For You.

There might have been a time
And I would give myself away
Once upon a time
I didn’t give a damn
But now
Just don’t give up
It messed me up
But I’m working it out
And I won’t let you down
It’s plain to see
That you’re beautiful
And it’s nothing wrong with you
I was the freak
But thank you for loving me
'Cause you are doing it perfectly
There might have been a time
When I would let you step away
I wouldn’t even try
But I know you can save my life
So
Do not give up
I’m working it out
I won’t let you down

Forever yours,
Baby Raymond

My Monster

Concert's in 2 day's time
And after that
I have another recital on the 3rd Jan '11
I.. am lost
I miss your greetings to me
I miss your luck
Please talk to me again
I love you
My Monster

Baby Raymond

I Love You

Hi Nicholas,

Just here to say
I love you
No matter where or when
I always love you
Even if you feel indifferent towards me
I will forever love you
I am sorry
That I failed to show you
The gentle, fragile and loving side of me
The real side of me
I am sorry
I am sorry I have hurt you
You will always be my husband
My man
I will treasure you
I will cherish you
And I will keep you safe in my heart
Sorry for the past troubles that I have caused you
I love you
Forever...

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are grey
You never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take
My sunshine away

Love,
Baby Raymond

Believe

Please don't let this feeling end
It's everything I am
Everything I want to be
I can see what's mine now
Finding out what's true
Since I found you
Looking through the eyes of love
And now I can take the time
I can see my life
As it comes up shining now
Reaching out to touch you
I can feel so much
Since I found you
Looking through the eyes of love
And now I do believe
That even in the storm we'll find some light
Knowing you're beside me I'm alright
Please don't let this feeling end
It's everything I am
Everything I want to be
I can see what's mine now
Finding out what's true
Since I found you
Looking through the eyes of you

In the Winter

In the Winter
I was struggling to pull through
I didn't know how I could possibly hold on
Then you came
Your hands
They were so warm
You grabbed my cold hands
Almost frost bitten
You held them tight
And brought me up
I felt your breath
I heard your voice
I smell you
You hugged me
To prevent me from freezing myself
Your love
Was more than greatness
I was too cold
I shut you away
Because I never believed in myself
But I believed that you will warm me up
And bring me closer to you
But when I cracked the ice
Reaching my hands to the outside world
I realise you are not there anymore
You left
Still
I love you
You may never want to believe that the ice has melted
But it finally did
And I do love you
And my heart was with you long before I knew where it was
It has been with you always
Even before I found it
So it's okay
I will forever be with you
Even when we're oceans apart
I love you
Sorry I have hurt you
But I love you
And only you

Forever yours,
Baby Raymond

Please Come Home

Please come back home
Will you please come back home
I am begging you
Pleading you
To come back home
Please come home
Baby misses you
And he loves you a lot
Please come home...

Forever yours,
Baby Raymond

Listen

Listen...
Use your heart and listen
Use your love and feel
I am that gentle person you knew
I always have been
Along the way
I got very messed up
So bad that my good side got caught up
Like a spider stuck within it's web
And slowly seeing himself decay
Then you came
You helped me untangle the web
You realised that there were many knots to untie
But you never stopped trying
I did
I stopped
Because I was scared
I was scared that
After breaking the knots
You will realise that I am actually not a spider
But a butterfly that flew into the spider's web
A butterfly that hated his life
And wanted to become someone else
So the butterfly stopped
He stopped struggling
He stopped struggling for his own life
And waited to decay
Yet
You didn't stop
Knowing that the web was venomous
You tried
It was the butterfly that let you down
It was I
That let you down

The gentle yet fragile
Has led himself down the road
He is still the gentle person you knew
He still possessed the beautiful soul
It maybe dimmed from the past events
But please don't lose hope
Because he will one day
Shine again
Turning into a star
He will shine so brightly
His hopes can spread amongst others around him
Leaving rainbow to every people he greets

Don't lose hope on this butterfly
Don't lose hope on me
Don't lose hope on us
For I love you
For what we have
For the strength we have
Don't give up
Don't walk away
Come back
For I am here
Waiting for you
You are the man
The butterfly struggles to get out from the web now
Flying to your side
And never leaving you again

So don't give up
Listen to the wind
Listen to the river
Listen to my heart
And feel my soul and love
For they were with you all these while
I am with you
Listen...

Forever yours,
Baby Raymond

I love you

Dear Monster,

Baby loves you forever
I know I wasn't a very good apologist
I would crawl to say sorry
But I am truly sorry over what I did
Please forgive me and come back
Baby loves you
He adores you
And he treasures you a lot
Please come back
Baby loves you
Please talk to me again....

Forever yours,
Baby Raymond

Sunday

Good morning Nicholas
Please talk to me again
I miss you
Baby misses you a lot
He is sorry for what he did
Please come back
Baby needs Monster
He knows he is repeating what he said again
But that's the only thing he can say
Please come back
Baby needs you
Why won't you come home
Please come back home
I am sorry for what I did
Please come home

Forever yours,
Baby Raymond

Merry Christmas to my only true love

I will wait for your return
And the days that we take the long journey on a road trip once more
It was such that perfect day
The sky could be blue
Without you
It is a waste of time
I don't wanna leave you ever again
Where we sit by the strawberry swing
And looking across the never ending
Big blue sky
Without you
It's just a waste of time
Merry Christmas

To my one and only love
Baby Raymond

Never Quit

I don't know if you get it
I really don't
Because I need you
I need you with me
To walk the streets
To hold my hands
To tell me how much you love me
To sit on the rocky chair outside our house
As we grow old together
Looking at dogs running
I need you to know
That all I ever wanted is you
That all I ever wished for
Is you, Nicholas
I don't know if you get that
Because I love you
I crossed oceans for you
Cracked the hard shell of mine
Just to spend the rest of my life with you
I am willing to kill my past and pull myself out of it
I didn't know how to
But because you gave me strength
You gave me more than what I have ever expected for
I am naked
For you
I am standing naked
In front of you and everybody
Not because I owe them anything
But I owe you
I owe you Me
Not just bits of myself
Not any less
Just the true, honest, me
And you don't see it
In fact
You think I am a jerk
I am a whore
And a slut
And it is okay
Because I know I am not
And I will show you
I will prove to you
That I am not
That I am worthy of your love
That I belong to you
That we belong to each other
I am a man
That once committed many mistakes
But now
I am here as your husband
Wanting to come home
I am a very, very good person
We are very good people
We make each other sane
We made love possible
You are not going to think that you can just leave
Because the stress was too much
We made a promise
You made a promise
That you will love me forever
That for better or worse
You will fix me
So this is my promise to you
I love you forever
Alone standing or not
I am loving you forever
Because you are my home
You are my life
You are my husband
And we don't quit on each other
We never quit on each other
Never did
Not now
And never will
I will pull you out from the grave if I have to
To tell you how much I love you
This is your one true love
Alive and standing
We never quit on each other
And
I love you

Forever yours,
Baby Raymond

Forever

Looking up the sky
The clouds dancing
Like the memories in waltz
Do you miss me
Walking down every road
The voyage we took
We turned the bricks yellow
We granted the possible
Did you still remember the magic we created
With our hands
We brought so much sparks to life
We made people fly while soaring through skies
We talked to animals while they entrust their hearts to us
I will send a Unicorn
A Pegasus
To bring you back to me
We are the castle
The fortress
The powerful
The beautiful
This is us
Had been and will be
This is our love
This is our story
Our forever after
You
I hold dear to
I can feel you
Every second
And I know you can feel me
Do not run away
Because we are strong
Because we are the yellow bricks
Because we are the magic
Because I love you
Because you love me
Because we love us
And because of the because
We will soar through the heavens this time
Because we are the possible
We are the
Forever.

Loving you
Baby Raymond

You said, "I will fix you"

We are strong, and I love you

My Nicholas

Baby loves you
He misses you
Please come back for Baby
He just wants his Nicholas back to his arms again
He loves Nicholas so much
Just call baby and they can solve whatever problems they have together
And they can be happy again
Why does Nicholas wants to leave just like that?
Baby wants nothing but Monster
Please come back
I want us to be together again
I missed the times when we were together
Doing everything
Only Nicholas makes Baby really happy
And only with Nicholas can he find comfort in home
Baby is very sorry for what he did
Please come back
Baby wants to rebuild a nice, comfortable and secure home with Monster
He loves Monster a lot
Please come home.

Loving you forever
Baby Raymond

Canter

He who held strong
Passes one by with a gush
Never turns back
Like the black wind
He trots
Marking every ground he steps on
And left them by
There he canters
Leaving me by
He never turned back
Where would he be?
Where would my love be?
I feel him
When the maple leave kisses my face
Sweeping my tears away
Where is he?
Where is my love?
I see him
When the angels came to me
Covering me with shelter
Where is he leaving?
Where is my love leaving?
I hear him
When the voices speak
Bringing me guidance
As he cantered
I stood by waiting...

Morning

Good morning my love,

I miss you so much
Everyday I long for you
Your voice
Your call
Your smile
When you smile at me
I miss every part of you
No one can replace you
I hope you know that
I pray that you will see through the fact
That I truly love you
And I don't want to live without you
You are my Monster
Forever you will be my one and only Monster
Never have I seek forgiveness from anyone
I am really changing to become a better person
And I pray that you will forgive my mistakes
And come home to love me once more
I love you
Forever until after the end of time

Forever yours
Baby Raymond

Feel me, feel us

I love you so much Monster
I am waiting for you to come back
I love you forever x infinty remember?
You love me forever x forever
I won't forget
And I have no intentions to back out
The things that I promised you
I will live up to it
These weren't said on moment of impulse
These are real
As real as we can ever get
For better or worse
We promise to stick by each other
And I am honoring my words
Because you are my one true love
Please be strong with Baby
And we will have our
Happy, forgiving and undying love ever after.

Love you forever
Baby Raymond

Come Back

I love you
I really do
And I hope you see it
And I hope you can see pass the mistakes I did
I flew to see you because I realise what I did was grave
And I wanted to right the things that were once wrong
I want us to be happy again
I know we can
I love you forever
I pray that you will see through the aches
And we will be able to create a whole new, better world together
I said it many time already
But I am going to say it again
When we meet
We will never be apart again.
I just want to be with you
Hold you so tight
Loving you
Spending every moments with you
And that is all I want.
I love you

Forever
Baby Raymond

You And Me

You and Me
I have been defensive
Because I fear
Fear that you, my one true love
Might leave me one day
Because I was a liar
But under that skin
I am just a gentle person with so much love I have ever wanted to give to you
Just keeps on giving
Never stopping

You are defensive now
Because you fear
Fear that I, your one true love
Might hurt you again
Because you cannot take the pain any deeper
But under that skin
You know you just love me so much that all you have ever wanted to do is just to spend forever with me
Just keeps on going
Never stopping

You and I
We are just a couple that may have faced more problems than others did
But under that skin
We truthfully, honestly, genuinely and sincerely want to spend eternity together with each other
We love each other so much that sometimes we fight
I know I have made you tired
But now, it's okay
You can rest
'Cause it is my turn to do my part
And so you can lean on me
And I will keep on trying
Till the day that you will bring me home
Because you love me
Because I love you
Because....

You and Me

Just to let you know that
It is true
I could have still choose to lie and be dishonest to people and you
But I chose to step out of it
I choose to be honest and ask myself if I really do love you
And because I do
I am willing to stand, naked in front you
Because I want to
I want to let you know that
I am truly in love with you
And you have imprinted in me
I wouldn't have been a real person now without you
You have always been my strength
My motivation
My inspiration
You are all I have asked for
Because I love you
And there is nothing more than an honest and sincere love that I want to share with you
Because you deserve this
You deserve to see our happiness
You deserve to hear my honesty
You deserve to feel my undying love
You deserve all of me
And I am right here
Honest and faithful
I shall stand
With nothing more I cannot give
With my two feet
I shall stand
And wait for you
My love
My one true and only love
My man
My husband
My soul mate


Loving you forever,
Baby Raymond

I Miss You

I miss you so much
Don't hide away from me anymore
Any problems, we can solve it together
I miss you so much Nicholas
Why do you choose to ignore me when I have finally become good?
When we can finally walk towards bliss and happiness
Please come home?
I have finally, after so many obstacle and problems
Seen beyond my own fear which I thought I will never overcome and I did
So please see beyond it too and realise my sincerity, love and honesty
We love each other so much
I never wanted us to become like this
I love you so much
I hope that means something to you
Please come back to me
Baby loves you
And he never wanted to leave you
Please don't leave Baby
He's alone
He just wants Monster
That's all
Please come back to Baby
Please...

Love
Baby Raymond

My Husband

I miss you so much
Do you know?
I long for your voice
Your comfort
Being with you is the only thing I have ever wanted
Its the honest truth
I know my problems are not worth it for you to help my solve
But I have already reconciled with them
From myself to family, and to friends.
I have never been anymore honest than this time in my life
And the stone that I had have been lifted
Now, I just wanna focus on you
I just need you to know
That no one can replace you
That no one can take you away from me
That I only love you
That no one will be able to separate us ever again
That you are my one true love

I am not angry
I am not mad
I am just patiently waiting for you to let me home
Don't lock the doors to yourself
Let me home once more
And I will bring whatever I lost
Back home again

Monster doesn't have to be strong alone anymore
This time
He can be strong, together with Baby
And never shall they be apart again

Loving you,
Baby Raymond

We are One.

When I saw you for the first time
I knew you were the one
You didn’t say a word to me
But love was in the air
Then, you held my hand
And pulled me into your world
From then on, my life has changed for good
Now I’ll never feel lonely again ’cause you are in my life.

Love, how can I explain to you
The way I feel inside when I think of you.
I thank you for everything that you’ve showed me.
Don’t you ever forget that
I love you

Love, I know that someday real soon
You’ll be right next to me
Holding me so tight, so I will always be yours
Although we can’t be together now
Remember I am here for you
And I know you’re there for me.

Whenever I long to be with you,
I just close my eyes and pretend you’re here
I see you, I touch you, I feel you, like real
Nothing can ever change
When I feel inside.

How long must I be far away from you
I don’t know dear, but I know
We are one.

I have never forgotten a single word

I have never forgotten a single word you told me
From the chat we started to the very last word you told me
I know I have always been putting up a false front to you
Because I was scared
But I have never forgotten what you said to me
Each and single them mean everything to me
I promise to love you forever until after the end of time
I promise to grow old with you
I promise to only belong to you
You promise to protect me
You promise never to leave me
You promise to grow old with me
You mean the world to me
You always have
And never will that change
I am sorry I was so stubborn
Always trying to speak the opposite
But I have never been more honest and truthful than before
I love you forever
My Monster
Nothing can make me change this
You mean forever to me

If you lose hope
I will give you hope
If you lose your way
I shall be your compass
If you fear
I shall be your strength
No more threats and negativity
Just more affirmations and steadiness
The love only gets stronger each time after a breakdown
Our love is getting way stronger
Give me your hand
And I will give you a miracle


"I love you, truly. I am strong, we are strong.
Monster"

Always yours,
Baby Raymond

Just a note

Just a note for my Monster

I found a piece of torn page from the book, "Alice in Wonderland" while waiting for the bus today.
"Well!" Alice thought to herself. After a fall like this, I shall think nothing of tumbling downstairs!" Down, down, down. Would the fall ever come to an end? I wonder how many miles I have fallen? I must be getting somewhere near."

I have fallen far beneath in the past
I am also done falling
The fall has come to an end
I have reached somewhere near
And that is your heart
I am so close
You are so close
We are so close
My heart is with you
Let me home
And I shall bring all the happiness you deserve
All back, if not, better!
I have faith that I can create the magic
Loving you have been the best thing that ever happen to my life

Forever yours
Baby Raymond

My beautiful, Charming, Giving and Loving Monster

Good Morning Monster!

An early post it is.
Nothing much, just to tell you how much I love you
Please don't give up hope
Because we have so much more to give
I know you're hurt and being protective
And Baby has learnt his lesson
Baby is not asking for more
Just one more chance
To let Baby right the mistakes he had committed
Baby just wants to come home to Monster
That's all
Don't stop believing in us
You promised to marry me one day
And we promised forever until after the end of time
We don't promise easily
But when we do
It is then done
Don't run away from Baby
Because Baby will find you down the road
And he will hug Monster so tight
And make sure he doesn't run away from Baby this time
Baby loved the times when they spent in Canberra
And he wants to do that with Monster for the rest of his life
Baby realised that roaming around was stupid
And he just wants to climb into Monster's arms and say
"Goodnight Monster and dream of me!"
You've always told me this, but this time, I am saying it to you
You have no idea how much I love you
Actually, I thought I just loved you
But until then I realised that I love you
I love you
I know home is safe and comfortable
But don't worry
When Monster thinks it is safe to step out
Baby will be waiting
They ask me why?
I say, "Nothing much, just that he is my man. The man that believed in us, the husband that loves me more than anyone can imagine and the soulmate that brings nothing but beauty into Baby's life."
I love you
Please forgive Baby and let me come home

Loving you forever,
Baby Raymond

I am not giving up

Dear Monster

How was your Saturday? I had a concert at NAFA today in the afternoon. It was not tiring but the pieces were easy so I was half the time zoning out! I had a few conversation with a violinist and she asked me if I am interested in taking Dip in teaching. Maybe I should take that. It was a good concert because I get to see friends I haven't seen for ages.
After that, I walked with Esther to Bugis train station and then to Raffles Place to Desmond's birthday party at Ascott's. As expected, Jaslyn was late again! When we got there, no one else was there! We were like really punctual! We talked a bit, met Desmond's new bf, Just hanging around basically. Then I saw Melvin, Bryan's ex. Surprisingly, he is another K-Pop fan like Jaslyn! They all are supporting us. They all know we are more than just the bickering and physical.

I am not giving up on you
I am not giving up on us
I love you more than anything in this world
I am sorry we fought
I am genuinely sorry
I am doing everything I can to get you back
I know its not easy but for what's worth
You ARE the love of my life
My one true love
I have did wrong
And I can tell you each and single of it
Each you would only talk to me
This time
It is different
I know it and you know it
Give us this chance that we owed ourselves
To work things together
We have always been trying to work things out alone
But its too much
We have to work it out together
And I want us to work this out together
And after that
We can soar the sky

I should have understood earlier
But I know its not too late
If there's a limit to my life
I rather use it to love you and spend time together forever
Indifference is bad
Quarreling is as bad
I just wanna spend my life loving you
Let's rebuild
We will learn to love better

Forever yours
Baby Raymond

Loving you always
Baby Raymond

Baby loves you

I am sorry we fought
I am sorry I was reckless
I am sorry I took advantages of you
I am sorry I didn't learn my mistakes previously
I am sorry I for things I have done
I am sorry for annoying you
I am sorry I came to Perth to find you
I am sorry I love you so much
I am sorry

Please forgive me and let me home
Baby misses you
And he really loves you
Please forgive Baby
He cries to sleep every night
And wakes up crying
Please forgive Baby
He promised to be good and he is good now
Don't desert him
He is a good boy and he loves Monster a lot

I love you a lot
Please feel it again
Don't become a stone
You don't have to anymore
I promise you
This time it's safe
Please let me home

Love you
Baby Raymond

Friday

Dear Nicholas,

How was your day again? I had a slow day today.
I had a new private student today, he is from Nanyang Polytechnic and he plays the viola. He doesn't really have full potential but he is motivated and I hope he will learn a lot from me.
I went swimming with Nicholas Leow at Jurong Safra after that, we were then chatting about almost everything. From people to friendship, to weather and many more. We had lunch at Jack's place, it was cheap, only $6.50!
I am sorry that I have mistreated you, and I am taking up responsibility at each step.
I love you more than anyone else in this world.
People fight all the time, and when they do, they get nasty, I got nasty.
But at the end of the day, I come back, with more understanding and strength.
And we forgive each other and open our arms to each other again.
I will be waiting for my Monster, my lover, my husband.
The one and only.
Please forgive me and bring me back to your arms.
This time, we will be stronger, and soaring the sky.

Love you forever
Baby Raymond

Please forgive me

Oh Lover, hold on
'Till i come back again
For these arms are growin' tired,
And my tales are wearing thin

If you're patient I will surprise,
When you wake up I'll have come

All the anger will settle down
And we'll go do all the things we should have done

Yes I remember what we said
As we lay down to bed
I'll be here if you will only come back home

Oh lover, I'm lost
Because the road I've chosen beckens me away

You told me,
"Oh lover, don't you roam"
Now I'm fighting words I never thought I'd say

But I remember what we said
As we lay down to bed
You said, "I'll forgive you oh
If you just come back home"

Oh lover, I'm old
You'll be out there and be thinking just of me

And i will find you down the road
And will return back home to where we're meant to be

'Cause i remember what we said
As we lay down to bed
We'll be back soon as we make history.

Missing you

Dear Nicholas,

I miss you so much....
I went volunteered to play Christmas Carols at a nursing home at Clementi area with a group of musicians from St. Andrew's Cathedral, it was heart warming. I love seeing the folks have fun and laugh. They came to me and smile the short performance, somehow, I feel close to older folks.
After that, I went home and I did some practicing and I think I am losing my 'picture for music', I hope its not permanent!
I am so sorry that I have emailing you so many times today, I can't help it, I miss you, your voice, you face, you.
I am truly sorry for what I have done but I believe its never too late to repent and come home to my love ones. I am repenting now and I hope you see it too. I don't ask for much, just one more chance to show you the beautiful me inside.
Please believe in my sincerity, honesty, will, determination and love this time.
I am home, please let me in.

Truly yours,
Baby Raymond

Blind day it is...

Dear Monster,

How was your day? Mine was rather rough today. I went to get eye screening.
When I got there, the nurse asked me to get some solution into my eyes every 3-5mins to get them diluted before the X-ray. The first drop was painful! It burnt my eyes, literally. And I had to go on for a few times. After the test, my eyes felt like it was covered with a layer of blurred solution, everything was blur! I then walked out of the clinic and hurried back in because the sun was hurting my eyes a lot! Probably something got to do with the solution, it takes away your natural fluid in your eyes and made them very exposed to UV rays. I was so scared then, I was nauseous and covering eyes while walking. I was 65% blind and I wished I could talk to you on the phone to make me feel better or thinking of holding your hands. Thinking of you alone made it feel better and I braved the piercing sunlight, took a cab and went to teach.
Kendra, my trainer's daughter, she is very annoying today! Everything I got her to do, she refuses. I had a nice conversation with my trainer. We talked about horses, dogs, her children and music.
After that, I went home and I called up AFA and I am gonna volunteer for them! I hope I can use the strength I got from you and my best friends and give the people with HIV a home in spirit from me. You all have given me strength, and I will put thisin to good use!
In the evening, I brought Junior down while cycling. It was fun, he was running in front of me while I was taking my pace. Went to Pei Ying's place and helped her pack her room and tidy things up.
I was glad that I met up with the girls last night, from that, I realise they each have their deepest sorrows that they don't share to others except me. And I am gonna use this 'new' strength of mine to heal them.
You are in my heart and I see you.

Loving you, truly
Baby Raymond

Far!

Dear Nicholas,

How was your day? I hope it was fulfilling because mine was!
I went to Kranji, it was a crazy journey- I took bus 39 to seletar camp and changed to 168, but I took the wrong 168 and it went back to IKEA! I had to then cross over to the right 168 and take the dreadful journey to Woodlands and from there, I took 961 to the riding centre.
The riding centre was nice, it is very clean- they have locker rooms for riders to hang their stuff! From the school, I met 2 girls, Daphne and Morine, they use to learn riding from Gallop Stable, and they told me why they decided to leave for SG Turf Club Riding Centre was because of the management.
During the group assessment, I was given a horse named Jonas to ride on, he is one lazy horse according to the trainer. (Reminds me of Rina) It wasn't as bad as I thought, I did trots and that's about it. I was placed into Novice 2, it's okay, I will work hard and get into their National team!
After which, I had a chat with Daphne and Morine and Daphne offered to drive me to Little India so it will be easier to go back to Pasir Ris. On the journey, I learnt tat she actually volunteers at the Riding School for the Disabled! So I've asked to volunteer and the chances are high!
After she dropped me off, I took a cab back to Pasir Ris and met Yan Min, Melissa, Sheeren, Pei Ying and Grace for dinner and a chat. We helped Mel do her survey, something got to do with her assignment. Then I told all of them about my status, about what happened between us and what I have done wrong and I learning to be stronger and waiting for you to come home, of course. They were all very supportive of it and they will help me, guide me into a stronger and positive person and I will become the person that my heart is meant to be and my mind, my thinking and my moral code will all be in sync!
Alright, it's getting late and I need to sleep!
Goodnight Monster!

Missing you
Baby Raymond

A brand new day!

Dear Nicholas,

Hope your day was good! I was so tired yesterday that I slept from evening till now!
I was happy that I got to talk to Adeline on skype earlier this morning! She is doing great in Arizona now, but she says life is boring there, maybe because there's no ocean! She is desperately learning to speak Mandarin because her boyfriend's parents doesn't speak English! And she was swearing that its karma 'cause she dropped the language since 10!
Grace is enjoying herself alone at home, her folks went to Melbourne for a week and she finally gets the rest according to her! I still think its a pity to that she doesn't pursue a career that relates to what she'd learnt. But I guess she's comfortable working in Prudential for now!
And for me, I am finally going to Kranji for lessons from today onwards! I am still going back to Gallop Stable, but just to visit Rina and Sexy Girl because I am sure they miss me alot!
Nicholas came over to my place yesterday and we had a long chat, he told me a lot of things, guided me a few too. I heard from him that Kenny has learned of my status from you. For that, you have my gratitude, it changed him in that perspective alot. The way he views life and death, or life in death etc.
Alright, I am going out for a run now, will talk to you the next day!

With love,
Baby Raymond

Peaceful Nightts

Hi Nicholas,

It was nice seeing you, talking on the phone, walking around from your room to the other. I have to that it was freezing cold out there! I saw Uen and he saw me but we didn't talk because we were a distant away from each other and I am sure you've already knew about it. I didn't know that Perth has so much mosquitoes at night, they were biting me like crazy! Anyway, all I want to say is that I was praying so hard to get a chance to just see you, and I did! For that, I am happy. I am still learning to become stronger and you will get to see that day! I left because I didn't want to stop you from going out with your friends and get yourself stuck at home. I hope you were at least a little happy about seeing me! Even if it was just a short 10sec, it felt long for me, but definitely not enough. But it's okay! I will wait for you.

P.S.
I love you, and it's unconditional this time

Your
Baby Raymond.

Seclusion

The rain is so gloomy these days
Fogging the path in front
I don't see what is going on
I am sad
And all I can think of is
Leave me alone
I wish I will be in a place where nobody will come find me
No one that hates me
Knows me
Or loves me
Let me just be alone
I hate this place
I hate this life
I hate myself
Maybe one day
I will go to a place like that
... One day.

Gratitude

Many times
A picture speaks a thousand words
This time
Five words are more than enough

Thank you for loving me.

Blind

The sky is so dark
The rain just keeps pouring
Time is moving so slow
Did you see the sun
Did you see the rainbow

Like every bell you hit
No jingles
Just silence
Just quietness
So lonely

I feel so naked
So vulnerable
Where the hell am I
I need to stop breathing
And yet
The only thing I can do is
Keep breathing

Keep Breathing

To Live, or Not To Live.

I choose not to.

Vapourise...

The love I had
Was never lesser than anyone
I was blessed
With the greatest love
From my family
Friends
And him

I am but a cruel shell with a beautiful heart
My body will soon be destroyed
But my soul will always be with the ones I love dearly
That I keep to my heart the closest everyday

I am not afraid to die
But I don't want the ones I love dearly
To know that I am leaving
Because I know this pain will hurt them
Worse than piercing swords

If there is one last thing I want to do it right
I want them to live happy and remember the good times
For they are my angels that protected me for so long
All I ask for is their lifetime happiness
I want to die making this world happy
At least it will be a good thing...

Existence

Like the wind
We soar through the sky
Like the cloud
They overwhelm the sun
Like the rain
She cries an ocean
Like the sun
He shines again
Like the tree
The will stands steadily
Like the river
Memories flow swiftly
Like the sky
The heart broadens

Unlike any of them;
I am nothing.

His Name Is...

He is the wind in the aspen trees
He is the roar of the rolling sea
He is the call of a mighty bird
He is the voice of a spoken word
His name is like music
Can't you hear his song
His name is like music
And my voice lives on
And I sing wherever I go
If you will listen,then you'll know
His name is like music
He is my song
He is a hush of a gentle rain
He is the tap on a window pane
He is the calm of a lullaby
He is a sound of a mother's sigh
His name is like music
Can't you hear his song
His name is like music
And my voice lives on
I will sing wherever I go
If you will listen,then you'll know
His name is my strength
...You are my song

Vision.

Hour Glass

When the chains of chains starts to move
Each layer gets thicker
The blade spins and spins
Revolving around what they call "cycle"
When sand sinks like a ticking clock
Layers seem to peel
And one might just disappear

I might just have lost my voice.

Break time!

Beautiful

对不起，我爱你

....

害怕

忘
我没有很努力要自己去遗忘
那些和日记一起收藏的过往
孤单在思绪之中变得很漫长
想
我没有很刻意让自己不去想
那些和照片静止的模样
我学着坚强
坚强到不用学着不想
学着遗忘
还是害怕夜深人静时总想起你
还是害怕的不经意听见你的消息
然而当爱已经沉淀得太清晰
当拥有已经是失去
就勇敢的放弃
还是害怕一个人时就很难忘记
还是害怕突然宁愿当初没有决定
然而当爱最后的出口是分离
我会这么相信
走下去
还是害怕夜深人静时总想起你
还是害怕的不经意听见你的消息
然而当爱已经沉淀得太清晰
当拥有已经是失去
就勇敢的放弃
还是害怕一个人时就很难忘记
还是害怕突然宁愿当初没有决定
然而当爱最后的出口是分离
我会这么相信
走下去
忘
我没有很努力要自己去遗忘
遗忘

Thousand apologies.

Through my eyes
I felt the lights dimmed
Through my ears
I see the voices masked behind walls
Through my skin
I hear the temperature whisky away
As though time fell into a dark hole
Just as the star overwhelmed by the overcrowding darkness
Just as my heart swallowed itself

Like a major chord descending its steps to the minor
Like a flight of stairs when you missed one
Like a humanoid so perfect but without a soul

I am sorry I masked the voices behind walls
I am sorry I have overwhelmed the stars with darkness
I am sorry I have made you missed a step from the stairs

Though you have already forgiven
It is still in me to say this to you

I'm sorry.

Clean White Love

I left the keys in the car
I left the door ajar
I didn't want to be alone

These are the days and the nights
of these sweet humbling heights
and I know it used to be home

Whisk me away
i'll be yours for a day
in heavenly fields which we roam

A woah ah oh you're my clean white love
A woah ah oh you're too clean white love
What are you doing?
What you doing, what ya doing to me?
What are you doing to my head?

A woah ah oh you're my clean white love
A woah ah oh you're too clean white love.
I give my heart on the evening of June 25th
Oh, everybody's looking for a fix

Hey...

Sell me a sign
I'll cut the telephone line
Just to keep the quotations alive

Oh you're bleeding me dry
but the feeling is blind
and I know you're looking divine.

Sell me it straight
Oh, it might be too late
Keep on breaking the rules

Oh...
A woah ah oh you're my clean white love
A woah ah oh you're my clean white love
What are you doing?
What you doing, what ya doing to me?
What are you doing to my head?

A woah ah oh you're my clean white love
A woah ah oh you're too clean white love.
I give my heart on the evening of June 25th
Oh, everybody's looking for a fix

Oh.... Oh a oh....

And this love is diseased
there's a cure
I need that medicine
to get to the core

Remember this place
It's left to the fates
but it's kind to be cruel

Oh...
A woah ah oh you're my clean white love
A woah ah oh you're my clean white love
What are you doing?
What you doing, what ya doing to me?
What are you doing to my head?

A woah ah oh you're my clean white love
A woah ah oh you're too clean white love.
What are you doing?
What you doing, what ya doing to me?
What are you doing to my head?

A woah ah oh you're my clean white love
A woah ah oh you're too clean white love.
What are you doing?
What you doing, what ya doing to me?
What are you doing to my head?

In my heart on the evening of June 25th
Oh, everybody's looking for a fix

Ohhh... ah ohhh......

Here I Am

When I Need You

For Good

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you


Because I knew you


I have been changed for good


And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for


But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share


And none of it seems to matter anymore


Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood


Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood


Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better


And because I knew you...


Because I knew you...


Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...

Rubber Band

Sometimes
I feel that we are so different
Like we belong to two different worlds....

Where

On this half lit day
With your crown beneath your wing
Every word just echoes
And the empty world sings

Where have you gone my feather light heart?
I never imagined I could leave.

In the glistening
Of the lost and open sky
Tiny piece of you sits
Simple wish waits for reply

Where have you gone my feather light heart?
You mustn't forget what love can see.

Eyes on Me

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me

Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I want to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper

How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if your're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the looks and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer.