Phoebia

Yay..today, or rather yesterday[due to the time] is one of my happiest day in my life..

I went out with my primary school friends..Melissa, all time favourite!!! Yan Min, good friend always...Evelyn, quiet as ever....Pamela, always hitting me:S...Yong Quan, as steady as ever...Clifton, still taller than me:(....
We went seoul garden to eat!!...i ate alot...Melissa claiming that she ate alot and is full end up eating lotsa stuff with me...We talked alot..About things in the present and during pri school life..
Yong Quan is still as deaf as ever...he can't seem to realise that we are calling, machiam like in his own lala land..Pamela...nothing much changed...Yan Min very random..VERY...We were talking about what form molecues and atoms...she replied as saying molecue is bigger than atoms...like HUH?!..doesn't relate to our topic AT ALL!!!...Clifton..eh...I don't really wanna say it..but hope you get your 'inproper' *** checked..talling ya for the sake of a friend since young;)...
Me..Melissa say I'm still like a chatterbox..well, if you didn't realise[i doubt you do] i only talk much with you guys as I feel much more closer to you guys than my Secondary friends..Others see me as a 'foolstop guy'..i always end the topic[-_-]...Haha..
After dinner, we intended to watch movie..but all the movies were left with front seats!!![tragedy:'(]..But we ended up taking a train back home..On the journey back..we talk quite alot of things...like believing in after life, gods, religion...Basically..it is about our feelings towards death...When we reached Pasir Ris, other than Yong Quan and Clifton, the rest of us when Mac to have a rest..And I'm still hungry!!..i bought fries to eat..Evelyn bought drink..Awhile later, we took Bus 3 home...Ended up chatting conference talking about how stupid gangsters are..and how disgusting to do m*st*r*a**o* in the cinema and *r*l *e* in the toilet!!!!...And this is my day...What a day to spend off with my old mates...I love ya guys:D...

Your eyes were so promising, yet so contradicting..

I always wait silently for your return..

And finally, you are back...

But I find myself afraid to see you..

Maybe is due to the period of time..

That cause this phoebia..

Maybe I need time to get back to square one...

I know must do it..

As I love you...

Your eyes..

Your voice..

My feelings towards you...

Its totally undescribable...

Perhaps, this is what love is...

At least to me..

It is like what it seems to be...

Questions

Its Christmas Eve...

Again, I'm having tons of blahx3 going round in my head...

Sometimes...maybe most of the times...

People that seems to be rather close to you...

Are they there by your side to go through up and down with you?..

Or are they there by your side to understand you, then tell off all your secrets and things you ever said to anyone/everyone in order to make you feel embarrassed in front of others?..

Or even make use of you..e.g. being close to you so when he/she is in trouble but when you're in trouble, he/she just happen to be missing?...

That's not the end, some of 'em are being close to you just to show others that how caring he/she could be when you yourself knows how much she even bothers about you..

I'm feeling like that 'cause these possibilities/facts are happening on me...

I have my reasons not to name those out..

But if you people know who you are...

Then jolly well change for the sake of friendship...

Or you can just simply leave me alone and go away..

Don't tell me sorry..

Not because a good friend never should say sorry to the other...

But saying sorry now doesn't make any difference..

The main purpose for apologising is to make the victim feel less hurt...

And allowing the culprit/s to feel less guilty...

If that's the case, then why commit such fatal 'crime' to your good friend/buddy?...

Of course I don't exclude myself...

At least..I never do such things to my good friends/buddies..

At the end, I always end up speechless..

Why?..

'Cause I'm not one that will go and wake those that have mistreated me to wake up..

I'm not that sort of 'saint'..

They will cherish and treasure this relationship ONLY if they find out and realise it themselves..

That's all for today ..

-Merry Christmas- ......................in advanced=)

Snow

My days in China had ended..

Through this vacation..

I seen quite a number of incidents..

I learnt quite alot of things...

Be it in terms of music or character...

I realised that people from different places treat each other differently...

The people I met are all very, very warmhearted..

Anyway, I'm alone in Europe now..

The snow is beautiful..

Somehow, it gives me the feel of purity

Yet sorrow, despair and helpless..

Hope I could think over certain problems Im having..

Every now and then...Im still thinking of you..

You are so precious to me...

I miss you...

I....

What A Day

Last night after my syco reseating exams,

I went out with my friend, grace..

We went to Billy Bompers..

I oredered roast chicken but i kinda regretted it...

Cos' its simply hard to slice!..

Grace ordered my fav., Airlion Steak!!!

At first she was still thinking how well she wanted the beef to be done..

Then i told the waitress to give her RAW!..wahaha

But overall the meal was nice...

We bitched and gossip alot of people in our K1, K2 and primary school days!

Then sitting opposite us,

There is this American professional guitarist...

He kept staring at my pipa wondering whats that...

And i explained to him in detailed..

He was amzed and felt EXTREMELY strange about pipa..

Especially its tuning..[A E D A]

So i replied him..

'Its weird, but it sure rocks!!!'

When we are about to leave,

A lady came to me and gave me a $5.00 voucher for billy bompers

And i was like..co0l!..

The U.P. for dinner was $43.00+++

But in the end..it turned out to be $38.77!!!

Which means we are payin less than $20 each!!..

I rock~

Thats not all, afterwards

They have a lucky draw thing..

Grace and I each drew one..

And i got myself a meal with shake at only $5.00!!!

I rock man!!!

Haha..after the dinner,

Grace and I went to food junction and I ordered a pure lemon juice..

No dilution in it...No added sugar nor water..NOTHING..

They say its sour..But i never felt that sourness at all..

And those stall owner always give me that look as if I'm taking in some sulphate acid

Or something worse?!

While walking around..

I saw someone the least i would ever expect to see

Melissa!!!My primary rock buddy

She rocks man!!!...

She was the joker of PRPS...

I lost contact with her..

And who would know that I'm the FIRST to reached among the others!

Today was definately my day!!wahaha

Its been quite awhile since i ever felt like this...

But ...after all happy occasions..

I will still be back to square one eventually..

Maybe i really cannot survive without you by my side..

Maybe I'm being too bastard or whatever..

Why did you just leave me suddenly...

I still can't get over it...

I can’t believe -- a month ago

I was alone -- I didn’t know you

I hadn't seen, or heard your name

And even now, I’m so amazed it's like a dream

It's like a rainbow, it's like the rain

Some things are the way they are

And words just can’t explain

I never saw blue like that before

Across the sky, around the world

And just like a dream

You left me with no thoughts

I ...am feeling really very

Terrible, seriously in pain..

Dell'Amore Non Si Sa

Evolution???

Today i decided to meet up a few of my friends so as to catch up with each other...

Throughout the meeting, I realised that they changed alot.

Not physically but mentally..

Or maybe,

I am the one that never changed at all..

Human is amazing to a certain extent actually..

How they stay and never change for life..maybe

And how the rest keep on track with the world's latest information..

Human can be fast and that's godspeed

Huamn can also be slow and that's really decades

For me..

I think I should just vanish away from wherever I belong..I don't even know where is that

Maybe..this will be the best for me..

Dreams..

I had the weirdest dream last night..

In that dream, i cried throughout everything..

Even nothing happened, only of my exschoolmate came talking to me and i started bursting into tears..

This dream is weird but, i could really felt it.

That pain, that sorrow..

I could feel the tears in my dream..

In my dream, I saw the seashore.

It was way below me..

Within sight, beyond reach..

I saw sunset..

I felt you..

Maybe, perhaps..

In that dream of mine,

I'm searching for you...

But i failed or whatever...

Should I know that what is this dream about,

I would choose not to wake up...

And dream forever till I find you..

At least I could be with you..

...In my dreams..

Yong Gan

Hei an zhong
Ji jing shen chu de shuang shou
Bing leng de kong qi xiang huo
Hai pa you shou shou
Lu tai yuan
Shui de yan shen yong yuan
Mang mu gen ni yi qi zou
Zen yang cai hui dong
Ji yi li
Ai yi gai zong shi wen rou
You le zhe yi qie cai neng bu ba hei ye
Shi wo yong gan tai jiu
Jue ding wei ni yi ge ren er huo
Bu neng shuo chu kou
Na me zhe mo
Yong gan le tai jiu
Chen shi chong man duan zhan de yan huo
Wu chu duo
Zhao liang le chen mo
Ming bai shi ji mo
Shui shuo guo
Ai hui rang ren bu zi you
Suo yi ni yao wo deng hou
Huan ni de zhui qiu
You tai duo
Kuai le zi si zuo jie kou
Ni rang wo zui hou ba xin tong dang yong you
Shi wo yong gan tai jiu
Jue ding wei ni yi ge ren er huo
Bu neng shuo chu kou
Na me zhe mo
Yong gan le tai jiu
Chen shi chong man duan zhan de yan huo
Wu chu duo
Zhao liang le chen mo
Ming bai shi ji mo
Ye tai hei Kan bu jian
Ni zai wo shen bian
Xin shang bei lei shui shi qu fang bei
Shi wo yong gan tai jiu
Jue ding wei ni yi ge ren er huo
Bu neng shuo chu kou
Na me zhe mo
Yong gan le tai jiu
Chen shi chong man duan zhan de yan huo
Wu chu duo
Zhao liang le chen mo
Ai yuan lai ji mo

Sorry

Sorry that i cant tell you what had happened..

Maybe i will tell you later

Please don't be angry with me

I didnt mean to hide from you

Please understand..

I'm feeling confused right now..

I don't know what i wanna type...

I just don't...

Don't leave me alone...

Where are you..

I haven't seen you for a very, very long time...

At least to me, its a very, very long time...

I'll be waiting...

Its been a really long time from i last saw you...

At least to me its really a long time already...

Maybe you heard from others the things i did...

I have got nothing to say regarding to that...

But not seeing you made me felt really very pain from deep inside my heart...

I'm feeling very, very terrible...

I just hope that you could talk to me and treat me like before...

Don't abandon me..

I can't go on without you...

You are the one im always searching for...

You're the one i've loved all the long...

Sorry to Weiling

Sometimes..people shouldn't believed in gossips too much

Sadly, i did it..i actually believed the gossip and kept it on going..

Maybe i'm just too dumb to actually join in the 'trend' and gossiped around..

I'm glad that she forgaved me...

But still..i would be guilty...

I had the choice not to listen to the gossip and totally forget about it..

But i did not..

Instead, i go on with it..

Maybe i should just keep away from such stuffs...

Or maybe people should just abandon me and leave me alone...

Maybe this will do others good...

I just hope that i did not hurt her too deeply...

Through this blog, i here by a an official apologisation to

Weiling...

I'm sorry for what i had done to you...

I don't know whether you know who is the one that let me knew all this...

But if you really do know who..

Please don't hate that person..

I'm actually at no right to ask for anything..

But..please don't hate that person...

Embraced

Let your arms enfold me

Through the dark of the night

Never part me

Till we see the light

Can you feel

The feeling embraced around you

My feelings embraced around you

Never leave me alone

I want to have you by my side when we are at the 'light'

Who am i lying to..

Who am i decieving..

Who...

Why is pace your always so fast...

So fast that i could not catch up...

I want to catch up..

I really want to..

But you never thought of me..

I'm just decieving myself

A big thank to you

I'm feeling much, much better now..

The things you told me...

You enlightened me alot...

I put my up most respect to you...

So far, you are the only one that made me realise alot of things..

You are really like a brother to me...

And i treat you like my own brother...

A big thank you to you...

Without you, maybe i would still be in no way...

I promise you i won't waste my time off starting from next year...

I will strive real hard...

Thank you..

Brother..

Fated to be

Guess i'm lost again..

I get depress easily..maybe?

Sometimes..

I tell people certain things or problems about me...

Doesn't mean that i am in need for help..

I just wanna voice out myself...

I just need someone to listen...

I don't need advices 'cause eventually i will still follow myself..

I know some of them are really trying to help me..

But i just can't..

Maybe what i really want to see is that there will be this person...

He/she will stand on my side and tel me to go for it...

Don't give the person i loved so deeply up so easily...

No matter how long i have to wait, i will..

Till now, there isn't anyone that told me something like this...

What i only get is...

Give that person up..

That person is not worth for me to do so much...

I just don't understand...

How do you know that person doesn't worth that much to me...

Sigh...

I am just fated to be like this..

In this pathetic state i'm in...

I hope you know who i'm referring to..

Or maybe you don't know i truly loves you...

Well...

I guessed you already knew it long ago...

I'm just a piece of crap...

Very sorry...

Today was CRAP for me...i had to play a composition of Dedric's piece for his exams. And i flopped one or mayb two of the most obvious parts!...WTF..maybe i get distracted to easily..or i juz suc..WTF WTF WTF...haiz...not really bothered by how his classmates but the EXAMNIER!...[i'm speechless]..I'm sorry)'=..but its kinda funny when Dedric introduced me in front of his classmates and examiner(s)...haiz...but there are very nice compositions i heard from other students...thats all...i need time to wake my idea up!

Darkness

Why...

Why did i chose to know you..

Why did i decided it to be you...

Why did i devote so much to you..

Why did you stepped to my life so easily..

Why did i opened my door to you so easily...

Just why...

Everything around me now is confusing...

I can't think properly...

I have thought of many possibilities...

But the impact is just too great for me..

I need you..

I doubt you ever realised it...

Were you ever touched by me...

You are one that truly devoted too much...

Too much till i can't do anything....

You treated me in such cold attitude..

I felt being abandoned...

Thrown into darkness once agan...

What can i do...

What will i wish for...

To make you realise...

I love you...

Sky

Sky moved...

Clouds stilled...

Red over the Dark...

Dark surrounded by the Red...

Rain drops...

I am moved...

Distant PromiseII

Seeing you makes me feel relief...

Seeing you makes me feel relaxed...

Memories inside you...

Made me feel distance from you...

But i like being with you...

I like going out with you...

I like walking beside with you...

I like to spend my every single second with you...

I might not understand your pain that your memories brought you...

But i will be here to go through with you...

Its a distant promise i made...

And never will i break this promise...

Seasons come and go...

Thou shall not change its love for thee...

what the hell

You are stupid
Why don't you understand
Don't you get it
You made me kinda pissed
Cause you mean to me
I mean it
I don't know what to say
I just wanna voice out
Stop feigning ingorance already
I can't take it
Anymore

Where am i leading to?

Well...
How am i gonna start...
Though everything seems going fine now...
But i'm still feeling very troubled...
Maybe i am not confident for myself....
I'm very afraid of losing another person again....
I dare not do anything...
Do anything to improve our situation to a better stage...
I'm afraid i might worsen the situation...
I do not know what can i do...
I do not know what am i supposed to do...
Maybe im always lost...
Always...
What am i...
I don't know...
Hiding myself...
Again and again...
Is this...
A kinda life i am suppose to lead...
I guess so...
The sky was beautiful...
The sea was nice...
THe sea waves were peaceful...
But...
This were in the past...
Past...

Why...

Some say i should say...
Some say i should not...
Inside me...
I truly wanna let you know...
But i can't put myself through to tell you...
Maybe i am afraid i can't face reality...
I am really useless...
Worthless...
Why ain't i possible to tell you straight to the point...
Everytime...
I see your charming eyes...
Your eyes that gives that lovely gaze...
The more i see you...
The more i feel worthless...
Why can't i juz confess my love to you...
Why...

-

§Aªº?¬X¬O¤@¤ùªÅ¥Õ
¨«¥X¦^???
§Ú?¯à¦³¤°?´Á«Ý
¬O§A
?¨«§Úªº?©M¤ÑªÅ
?¦bªº§Ú
?¦Û¨«¨ì??ªº??
ÀqÀq¦a
¥u¯àµ¥?¨º?¤H
ÀqÀq¦a¡C¡C¡C
¡C¡C¡Cµ¥?

I suck

What am i gonna do...
All this crap im facing...
There is you and you...
How am i gonna do...
What can i do...
Fate is playing a joke?..
But i just don't wanna face such problems...
Be it that i'm coward or what so ever..
Why cant' fate let me get to know just you....
I rather let it be that way than this...
Or maybe...
I'm crap...
Not others...
But me...
Maybe i have to leave..
Leave this place i never thought i belong to...
I can't take it...
This pressure...
I...
Am sorry...

You...

Its been a long time since i felt this again...
Is it that I still could not let it go...
Is it that I still could not face reality...
I felt as if I'm greatly under pressure...
I wish you could hear my pain and sorrow...
People say ending lives is an act of stupidity...
Perhaps to me...
Its a kind of realease...
Seeing you makes me feel heavenly...
Seeing you makes me feel living hell...
I really wish to tell everyone who you are...
But I can't...
I just can't...
At least for your sake...
Secretly I looked at you with nobody's notice...
My heart is as if it got stabbed...
Stabbed by countless numbers of sharp objects...
I even dreamt of you few days ago...
I felt even more painful...
Is it just my depression...
Maybe yes...
I would assume so...
For others I may not know...
But I will...
I will wait for you...
Be it twenty years or thirty years...
I will wait for you...

Noted by Jing Xuan(:

raymond sucks raymond sucks raymond sucks raymond sucks raymond sucks raymond sucks raymond sucks raymond sucks : noted by Jing Xuan(:

Feelings in past. Never shall it fade.

Where are you?
Why ain't I able to catch a sight of you?
Not even in a glance
Echoes of your voices embrance my surrounding
The sense of security of you inside me
Taste of happiness never forgotten
Silence filled the air
Whispers of droplets being heard
Did i cry?
I believed i did not
But inside me
Left with only a dead soul trapped in this shell
Leave me alone
Hence I only need you
When will you come by?
When will you save me from deep down under?
When will you be by my side?
Feelings in the past
Never being forgotten
Forever will it stay...

Unbreak my heart...

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears awayI need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me
1-Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Un-do this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked outta my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart, my heart
Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss this pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me
Ohh, oh Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me
Un-break my
Un-break my heart, oh baby
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on

How Do I LIve...

If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be
Oh I, I need you in my ar

How do I get through one night without you

ms
Need you to holdYou're my world, my heart, my soul
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything good in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever goHow do I ever, ever survive
How do I How do I
Oh, how do I live
Without you, there'd be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me
And I, oh Baby, I don't know what I would doI'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything real in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without youI want to know
How do I breathe without you
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I How do I
Oh, how do I live
Please tell me baby
How do I go onIf you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything
Need you with me
Baby don't you know that you're everything good in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without youI want to know
How do I breathe without youIf you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive
How do I How do I
Oh, how do I livehow do I live without you
how do I live without you baby
how do I live....

Liu Lao Shi Rockz...

Today will be Mdm Liu's last day in Singapore...she will be going back to her country in China....we went to Changi Airport around 2130...we gave her presents and our blessings...we sent her all the way as far as we could....many cried...very sad....haiz....many teachers came and send her off too...even ex-teachers came too...haha....Liu Lao Shi Rockxx!!!!

...Ray of Light...

Ray of Light...

A light that leads people in need to freedom...

A light that brought people to prosperity...

A light that harmonise people together...

This light...stays in everyone's heart and soul...

Somehow rather...

I am not able to find this light in me...

I had been finding the light since that day...

And no positive results shown...

I could sense that...

The Ray of Light...

No longer stays by my side guiding me anymore...

Where is my saviour...

Where is my life...

Where....is my...

...Soul...

i hate human

I hate mankind.... So what if they are pure by heart... Their soul had already been gobbled up by devil's evil intention... Mankind... The true destruction to this world... Everyone said they are trying to save the world.... Everyone say they are trying to kill the world.... Silence..... I really need you by my side.... Can you be with me just for awhile... I am in a dark room... Waiting upon nothing but your presence.... I died.... My soul stayed alive to wait for you.... Crying... Depressed.... Me alone fading...

I am very happy=]

Weee~~!!!!haha....well...performed for S.P.C.O. as guest musician tonight..BUT!!!..tts not my happy incident wor...hehe....'ta' was there as guest player too!!!...hehe....den we chatted alot of rubbish...or rather, i got entertained...wahahaha...co0l huh...the part tt i feel HEAVEN is when 'ta' touched my cheek, my chin, my spine area & my thigh!!!=p....today is my happiest day of my life!!!!!!!......today really rox!!!....i accompanied 'ta' for 2x dinner!!!...PIG...i even da le 'ta' de du zi....felt so secure kinda a feeling when im physically interacting with 'ta'...dun think dirty hor.. not tt kinda interact k =x...ai yah!!!too happy le....buaiz!...i wanna go n view 'ta' pics n go to slp liao...night!!!!!wish all things n objects on earth happy!!!!....WO YONG YUAN AI NI!!!!=)

Mirror...Life...Past...Present...Future?

Once upon a time, there was a scholar... He couldn't understand why his girlfriend wants to break with him when he treats her positively... And so, he went to the temple to seek a monk to get enlightened... After knowing the situation, the monk gave him a mirror and told him to look into the mirror... In the mirror, he sees a very beautiful beach... On the beach, there is a young and beautiful lady already dead lying on the beach naked... Later on, through the mirror, the scholar saw a man passed by... He saw the lady, he shooked his head and walk away... After which, another person passed by... He saw the lady, he took off his shirt and covered the lady and walk away... Lastly, the 3rd person passed by... He saw the lady, he dug a hole and buried the lady in a proper manner... After watching this image, the scholar got confused and asked the monk for explanation... The monk then told him, "You are the person that covered her with your shirt... She came to the 'Present' to return you this favour... And now....she has to return the big favour to the person that buried her properly..." Upon hearing this, the scholar finally understood... Everything was predestined before anyone knew it... But no matter what... The scholar waits everyday.... Never failed to stop waiting... Even if the girls get married, he will still be secretly by her side... Protecting her.... Even if its a life in exchange for another.... He waited till he died... After his death, the monk found a letter under his clothes... "Zi Yi Fei Ci Yi, Ai Jun Wei Jun Wang, Si Guo Ai Guo, Qing Fei Ding Ren, Lun Hui Zai Xu'' ...

Where Can I Go...

Hell waits upon my arrival. Heaven will not tolerate my presence. Earth pities me. Where else can I go? How far can I stretch to seek help? How long can I find a pillar to hold upon? How pathetic I can be. Face reality. I'm all alone. I cry upon the stary night. I pray among the noisy crowds. What am I trying to show? I don't know. Where am I going? Where can I go? There is nowhere else i can head to. The very end of my journey........

I don't know

Yay!!!!Cheng san concert was rather successful.....wahaah!!!!Our encore was rather weird...but audience seems to enjoy it...haha....But that not all people are feeling well.... Chai Xia was ill before the rehearsal....but she was alright later....during the breaks before that actual performance starts, i went to take the brosure went to the corridor to get my pipa and i saw 'ta' ....'ta' stretched 'ta' hand forward as if 'ta' expect to get something from me...haha....then i went to weiling and company....they playing "The Unforgettable Water Splashing Event"....haha....Minutes later the performance started....we played Dreamt of the Red Chamber as our opening piece...and Charm of Autumn.....and it was interval already!...(thats why i say....tai xia yi ge zhong....tai shang yi fen zhong...)then we went backstage's corridor ...then me...you guo, weiling played "give me a rose"haha...and played "Cao yuan xiao jie mei"!!!whaaha.....and soon interval was over...and we continued our pieces....we played "Reveire of the Green Pastures", "An Eagle's Romance", and the climax of the conert, "The Legend of the Dragon"!!!!Woohooo....haha....exciting...and later we played "Chi dao shang de yue hui" and "Ying Chun Jie Fu" for encore....haha....after everything....everyone was infested by an idiom..."Guang Mang Wan Zhang"....wahahah....at last...i reached home....after my bath....stil thinking of 'ta'.....spending my time thinking of 'ta'....haha....so late le...better go sleep..night!....lonely star.....