Freedom

If the sky was ever blue like the ocean
Where will you be?
If the stars were ever bright as the sun
Where will I get to see you?
If your existence meant my life
Where will I be?
The heart you see in me
What did I see?
The awoken memories...
Fragmented
When was the last time when I see the skies are blue and grasses are green?
When was the last time when I see you in my heart?
Forever seemed far to an end of a rainbow from the other
But it seemed ever nearer to hearts that speak of love
Frightened yet happy
Afraid yet impatient
Paranoid yet anxious
How are you?
I was fine....

Distant Promise

Thus the curtain closes on
Another tale an eternity has passed..
Fleeting dreams fade into distance...
All that I left now,
Is me and my memories...


But I'm sure we will meet again..
Someday, you and I...
Another place, another time.

It's just that we might not realize
That you are you, and I am me...


Let us open the door to the great unknown,
Come across another reality...
And live another today...
Even when the story has been told,
Life goes on...

Until we meet again,
Take care of yourself, my love

Forever yours,


Raymond

Question? Or Answer?

If you asked
I'd been there
If you had never tell me anything
I would never know anything
Space I give you more
You abused me more
Certainty of expectations
What do you think I am
I am not even what I am to be myself
And I have to learn to be you
The stars I see
Fell upon skies of universe
The sunshine I feel
Fell into deep dark ends
Trying so hard
Falling so high
As if I did nothing
Five senses
Broken
Emotions
Abandoned
To be a question of an answer
Or an answer to a question
Remaining in silence
Stay
For the sake of being
Cold

What do I do

The sky is clear today, very clear
But why do I feel the emptiness filling up in me?
Why would the sky be clear today?
A strange feeling called upon me....
What do I do
I just felt, sad
I am feeling abandoned...
Why do people coe and go?
Why do people that I loved have to leave
Why can't I have more answers than questions?
I am but living in a world of stupidity
To whom may it seem bright
I see nothing but the emptiness out of me
To whom may it seem so strong
I see myself so weak, so fragile
What happen to me?
Why did it fall upon me?
The sky is so clear today
I don't want to be alone
I'm, afraid
I am scared of being alone
To be controlled by that over whelming darkness
I beg not
I don't want fear
I never wanted
What do I see?
What will I seek?
I don't see my future in myself
I don't myself in me, anymore
What have become of me?
What turned me
What did I turn myself into?
A person that fear upon himself
Eventually causing it to take him up
Bit by bit
Leaving him nothing but, again
The emptiness
What will I turn into?
The sky is so blue
My heart
I don't feel rhythm
I don't see colours
I don't hear voices
I lost nothing but myself
The sin
The deed
The saint
The devil
Nothing is all
But the emptiness that starts the world with
Seek of what I never know can come to
Should I continue to hold on to this faith?
Or should I believe in you
I am confused
Contradicting fear I say
Show me what's to and not
Love me...

To Wait...

Waiting for you
Standing at the port way cliff
Did you know
Or did you not
To see the doves fly away
To see the whales sing in harmony
I see the rainbow descending from heaven's south gate
I hear the wind coming from heaven's north gate
I smell the glorious scents right from heaven's east gate
I feel the warmth bestowed to all from heaven's west gate
But I don't feel your presence
Standing
Hoping
Just hoping you would return to me
Embrace me once more
Till the rock may one day decay
I shall wait upon the rest of my life
Because
I see you in me
Because
I hear you voice in my mind
Because
I smell your scents around me
Because
I feel you
In my heart....

Vague Memories

When did the sky turn blue?
When did the rain start showering?
How did I end up here?
Faraway I saw a castle
A castle with thick haze surrounding
To where should I head to?
To whom should I seek refuge?
Black snow fall upon thee
Here I ask again
Where is he?
Where is he who called upon my name
To keep me awake
But here again
He left with signs of grieve
Thee who holds the capability to subdue me
Leaves thy falling into deep sleep once more
Where is he?
Where are you?
Where was I?
Where am I....

Murderer

''When love died
The few, spurting drops of his passion
Proved more than enough
To fill to overflowing
The reservoir of her resentment.
A shared moment of joy
Stretched into an infinity of regret.
And so she refashioned
The dart of her love
Honing the blade edges
To paper slicing sharpness.
Secreting far from sight
But always close to hand
The stiletto of her revenge.''
Will I become like this one day?
If ever I become like this
Kill me...

Why did you do this?
Why was I kept vulnerable?
To the wind I could not feel the breeze
To the sea I could not feel the flow
To the person I could not stop thinking
Orion, always shining brightly
Always there
Shining beautifully yet beyond reach
I don't want to be like that
I just want to give away everything I have now
In exchange of the ordinary life
Give me of what that I adore and envy of
Put me together with the ordinary
I don't want to feel lonely again
I...Never wanted to be alone
No longer will I want to be alone...again....

happy

At last, we got our photo shoot! haha. And I have decided to rename my quartet's name to Cadence Quartet(=

Apart

To forget his existence, or to believe that i can...
To pursue, or to let go...
To time where it never exist, or to infinity where love goes beyond boundaries...
If only he, only then I...
If only heaven, only then earth...
Till then, everything remains.
To reach, to touch, to be embraced.
To stay, to wait, to be loved.
Someday, one day.
I will stand beofre the big, proving them my existence is for real.
Iwill stand beyond the stars whom theysee not.
In one I touch, the sky beyond many earths shall love again...

La Campanelle Quartet

This is my quartet..haha

Reunion

Recently...or rather two days back, an old friend of mine which stays in the same district but NEVER saw each other for 10 years? Haha. Anyway, her name's Adeline. Grace , Adeline and I were close friends when we were young. Now, we still are. Oh well. We had dinner together and went Indo Chine to have a drink and chit chat at the same time everyone is ctachin uo with each other regarding our current doings. We stayed till 1230am? And headed for supper. I got home at 3am, haha. So thats about it. Adeline took a few pictures with us. So i shall post them up (=

My daily lives

Chinese New Year this year was rather boring. On Sunday, I met a friend of mine that came down from San Francisco, we had lunch together and ended up bitching about catholicism(no offense) 'cause he use to be a catholic but he thinks its almost nonsense being one so he's an athiest now. We had a couple of hours hanging in Starbuck taking nonsense and we bid goodbye as I still have something else to attend to.Later, I went to my friend's place to give comments on her student's playing. She played rather....gross, haha. I did my best in correcting her. Not bad, work hard! Afterwards, I went to my own student, Emaline's place and I hate it! Her cat is crazy, she hisses at everyone! I have to run into her room while Emaline locks her in the kitchen. I went to provoke her after she was locked in, she attmepted to ponuce on me but a glass sliding door was in the way! I rock, haha! When I was about to leave, Emaline got her out! I was like, what the? I ran as fast as i could to the door, got my shoes and stepped out of her house. Stupid cat!( She scratched me before, thats why she sucks!) Later on, I went home to rest and wait for people to come my house for visiting. Oh, I bought new stuffs from Ikea again myself. I bought four frames of different sizes and framed the picutres taken from Paris. They are nice! I'm so slow at blogging nowadays. Oh well, this Thursday is my medical screening. I called Major Tay in the afternoon to remind him about my enlistment, haha. That's all. -Close book-

「霧笛荘のテーマ」港の見える部屋

Its the 3rd day of Lunar New Year, I'm just feeling tired and very sleepy. The mahjong session gave me like **** last night. My family and I had a little time of our own, we went Ikea together to do furnitiure shopping. I bought a side table that cost only 8bucks, a head lamp, two wall shelves and a quilt. Yesterday's gig was kind of terrible, I got there at early 10 and they only started at 1! Visited my four aunts at aljunied, my sis's mother-in-law, my another aunt, and I went back after that to start my mahjong. Its damn hard to 'Hu' thirteen odds when 1 of them only knows how to 'Hu' the basic kind(yawnz). After my friends left, I went online to chat and ended up chatting on thne phone. And today I will be having another gig and I hope I'm being well payed(=. And I'm supppose to prepare now and leave house soon, but I'm still blogging. I find Lunar New Year getting more and more boring. Or rather, meaningless....Nevermind. Sometimes I just wonder when people says tomorrow is a new day, but what if tomorrow will never come. You're locked within time, chained by dimension. What you see might be nothing but mere hallucination. When yes and no makes no difference. When two becomes one. When emptiness equals to heavy loaded. Its just a random thought. So happy Luner New Year everyone!

-

Whatever. I don't understand, I really don't. Its crap. Just crap. How nice. Whatever fucking shit. Just..leave me alone.

Me

I'm still feeling tired today. I might not really know what's going on but, I will try and learn to understand.

Today, I went out with Nic(Pooh Bear) for movie. We watched Requiem and it was not bad. Afterwards, we went to Esplanade to get the pipa. Apparently Qing Lun and company saw me and they told Wei Kang that I looked so differently now. Then we walked our way to Tedd's place which is at Shangri-La Apartments, that's like cityhall to bugis?! Crazy I tell you( Nicholas Ho I will strangle you I swear), but he was nice to help me carry for a short while. We got there and met up with many people from here and there(too many people and too long story, most importantly, I'm too tired to type too long) And for who I know Lelandra from the 1st season of Singapore Idol was there. And Tedd wanted me to accompaniment with her on the pipa. Like some instant impromptu test, haha. Oh well..she sings real good and it was fun. In the end, we chatted till late and had supper having chicken rice. I really can't recgonise them. I only remember their names. Like, Weiqing?Song Ming, John, Kelvin, Richard, Karl???, Maple?, Cindy, Daniel, Champ, Lelandra and her sister, Tedd's parents, Gavin and I can't remember the others. Nicholas went off before me, he deserted me! Kidding. I'm too tired and I'm making my blog sounds boring. I should stop here.

Out of a sudden?

Met up with a friend of mine yesterday. Oh my, I haven't seen him for more than half a year! Time does flies, we had 'tea session' and chatted for very long at some coffee house. Nothing big actually, just catching up with each other. And, he's getting married....sounds sudden to me, But, ya he's getting married in June. Congrats to him, and be sure to invite me! Haha. Few days back, I went out with Samantha, this old friend of mine that I hadn't meet for 4 entire years! She is this friend of mine since primary school. A nice friend, but wasn't that nice when we were younger, haha. Oh, did I mention her birthday falls on the same as mine? Nice isn't it? Haha. Anyway, we went Moon River for lunch, caught up with each other. Went Esplanade and settled down in Boat Quay's coffee bean. Sat that and talked about religous and the Pastors that.....Anyway, just felt like blogging suddenly, so this is just a stupid entry. Meeting Nicholas for movie later. Still considering whether should I turn up Tedd's BBQ. Wei Kang, please pass a playable pipa later, I need it for rehearsal.

Peace

I wanna learn Heike Monogatari, haha! Sand, so smooth. The sea, bring me my love. -hymms away-

Vulnerable

Sometimes, I feel that I have noone to voice out to. Maybe I feel rather embarrassing to tell people my problems, at least to the people that I feel close to. Too much deep thoughts without a definate answer makes me sad everyday. I'm just gonna look from afar, and....My mind isn't thinking at the right things at all. I...what am I again? Nevermind..I just feel so...vulnerable. Just too vulnerable.

Oh Well...

In life, we always have our up and downs. Today I just happen to have my downs and I'm just quiet today. Not the keeping mum kinda quiet but the mentally shut down quiet. And ya, I am just random in thoughts today and...I'm out of stuffs to say already. My student, Emaline and I went to Synwin to get her old gross strings changed today. I actually wanted her to get Pirastrio Gold cause her violin suits more to the kinda tension and tone quality etc but its rather ex for her to get that. So in the end, we got the Dominant string. Not saying that its no good, but always the same set of strings..boring! I tried the $1860 violin that was placed on the desk a boy tried earlier on and I don't think it sounded anywhere near a $2000 should sound like. Seriously, its bright yet alittle too sharp. The strings on it are good cause they are Pirastrio tonica strings but the violin is like...BURN IT! Synwin has good violin/viola, real good ones. But you really have to know to choose it yourself or at least with you teacher and not just stupidly believe into everything the salesperson tells you although its true he plays violin well too, but he can't decide your playing. Anyway, people that really wanna know how many REAL good violins in Synwin, there's only 5 REAL good ones. After which, I headed NAC, had some business with them and Emaline went on a 'Cross Hunt'. We were literally looking for nice yet simple looking kinda cross pendants and stuffs. And we talked about Pastor Prince and the head pastor of City Harvest, all I can say is, they are not righteous at all. At least not from the inside. Somehow I felt that their 'good deeds' don't really come right from the bottom of their heart. I think they are really the people that brings down faith or rather, leading the real righteous ones into the wrong mentality. Ok, enough of that. More of it and I think I might get killed by the followers( to think that I'm joining New Creation's Music Ministry as a violinist, I am starting to regret it. After learning that fact of how these head pastors are from the inside, I don't really see the reason playing music in such Churches as music becomes stained with spots and still ongoing. Maybe I just have to play music like how I think music should be in the Ministry to influence people and make them remember what faith, believe and purity really is? Who knows. God bless) We had had dinner later on at fountain foodcourt and I had chicken cutlet curry rice. Qian Wen you guessed it wrongly, haaha. But I did went to toilet right after my meal. Oh well, we didn't talk much during dinner( I don't really like to talk while having meals). After that Emaline and I went shopping...No, its Emaline that went shopping non stop and I hadn't had the chance to really shop what I want to(I'm not your boyfriend, I want my own shopping too so don't...Nevermind)
Went home after that, and my dog shit on the floor. I had to clean it and I'm use to it. Nicholas smsed me about being fat and doing hula hoops, haha! He's a cute boy la. He calls me a Dnomyar. Like WOW..That's mostly it. My quiet day...doesn't seem that quiet after all eh. But it really is one the quietest day in a few months.

End of this chapter.

Its a reply that I don't think that you will ever get to read it. Forever Yi Zu, its just those days when we were still pure and innocent. Today, both of us have changed, be it good or bad. We are not who we were and never will we able to see the 'we' ever again. I can tell you, we use to be very good friends, but now both of us sees almost everything differently and I have to say that I still strongly disagree with things that you're doing now. But eventually, you are still you. What you choose in the end, its your own decision. No one could or should interfere with your own choice. Likewise for me. We will still be musicians partners/friends. Whether will we have that bond between each other, we won't know and seriously, I don't think that bond exist between us anymore. Sad to say but, You and I are just neutrual friends from now onwards. We might still laugh at some silly nonsense I talk about. We may do silly things like any nonsense I can think of. You have hurt me and tarnish this friendship like dust, I will tolerate and wish to explain no more. What has been done is already done and nothing can recuperate it. What made you today will be what you become in future and what path i choose, i will never regret. All I have to say is, you take care of youself. Political scenes in Chinese Orchestra is not as simple as you see and think. That's what I can advice you on and I believe anyone will tell you the same thing if they are really you good. Farewell, pal.

Love

BEAUTIFUL ICE PRINCESS/PRINCE . You are very difficult to get. You have big requirements and this one you love must try hard to get you. But after she/he melt your heart she/he will be the most happy person in the world. You need someone who shoes you that you are someone SPECIAL and it makes you feel good to see that you are loved. She/He shall know that you could easily get another girl/boyfriend ,but you won't as long as you love your partner. when she/he hurts you, you will hurt him too, but in general you dont get hurt. If your partner cheated you ,you would react cold and immediately (try to) forget or to hurt him/her. TIP: Try to show your partner what you really feel! You are very good at hiding your true emotions, which can make you seem to be arrogant. --->its me that this report is about.

Kinda late, but ya...

Beautiful! Its just gorgeous! I just updated the pictures I took in Vietnam, it is definately a place I would go again. A place with the pace just right, the peace and the love. To spend one's life there, its just happiness. I would say Vietname, I fell in love with you(=

Snowing

When the sun shines on earth
Every part of her is bestowed with different blessings
Warm light shines on you
Constant rain falls upon them
And the sad snow got to me
Walking in a distance
Or maybe a distant
Cold air embraced me
When will I turn to him
Or will he turn to me
Walking in a desert snow
Literally walking into a living grave
Literally walking into the end of life
The sky is so red
The air is so thin
The snow is black
Walking on the ice
Or walking on the big frozen ocean am I not
Killing the silence with noises
While the silence is slowly killing me
So be it
Black snow falls on my land
Bestow me with a death wish
Take me
Bring me
And never shall we come back again
Ever Again

Almost dead.

Its the 2nd time in my life that i got a fever during rehearsals, and it really sucked! Yesterday the chamber were havin rehearsals, I thought my fever had already subsided. And for all I know, it came back. I seriously could see the notes moving about and I nearly vomitted, hardly even play anything yesterday. And I got stuffs to attend to today, like my fever better subside before this Thursday's rehearsal. By the way, do come and catch this 1st kids' symphony concert. We are featuring Mozart's repetoires. Anybody interest please msn me. Thanks!