Mesaage for you; always loved

This day
We have decided to walk
Our own individual paths
You have always been
So beautiful
So tolerant
So charming
How you dazzled me
How you touched me
How you loved me
With no boundaries
The kneeling down by the garden
Surprising me by my doorstep
The hundred roses
Although we can't be one
But I want you to know
That I have never love you any lesser
Than how much you loved me
Give me the strength
To see you grow beautifully
As I will to
At least we both know
That we have loved each other
So deeply
So truthfully
So wholeheartedly
And I want you to know that
That no one had ever
Loved me like you did
All and all
I want you
To remember me this way



You can fly so high
Keep your gaze upon the sky
I'll be praying every step along the way
Even though it breaks m heart
To know you'll be so far apart
I love you
Too much to make you stay
Baby fly away

Home

Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me

Standing.

It's easier for you to walk away, than it is for you to reach out to me.
It's easier for you to look away, than it is for you to see the depth of my despair.
It's easier for you to look through me, than it is for you to see "me".
It's easier for you to hear, than it is for you to listen.
It's easier for you to judge, than it is for you to understand.
It's easier for you to label, than it is to get acquainted.
It's easier for you to bask in your joy, than it is for you to feel my pain.
It's easier for you to bewilder at my mysteries, than it is for you to probe deeply into the depths of my soul.


It's easier for me to look away, than it is to let you see the feelings betrayed through my eyes.
It's easier for me to cry, than it is for me to talk.
It's easier for me to walk alone, than it is to risk rejection.
It's easier for me to push you away, than it is for me to be held.
It's easier for me to distance myself, than it is to trust that you won't hurt me.


It's hard for me to smile when I am hurting.
It's hard for me to talk when you won't understand.


If only you'd really look at me and see who I am.
If only you'd hold me, without asking why.
If only you'd acknowledge the presence of the love.


But it's the easy roads that are most often taken.
And so I am left standing.

Time; You are for Me

Looking up into the sky
I know we share the same moon
Looking at the busy city
I know we stand on the same ground
Cold winter
Freezing
Yet so warm and fulfilling
It was then
The most fortunate coincidence
Like how you said
-It is magic-

Time brought us together
Also did it separate us
Two lands faraway
Yet bonded by love

Think of me
For you know
I will also miss you

Just a simple kiss
On the first night
Just that simple hug
We fell asleep upon
Just the simple love
That I know
You are for Me

Once Upon A Dream That Came True

How long can one lane be
How far can one flock of stairs take
How high can a tower go
To reach
To see
To feel
To acknowledge
Tell me what is in your mind
Tell me if I am in your heart
Holding you so tightly each time I see you
So tight my heart aches
The solemn twitch
Walking like an angel without his wings
Would I have been redefined
Do you see this
Would you see this
I looked into your beautiful eyes
I found truth inside you
But have you look me into the eyes
And tell me
You found yourself within me

Fearful tears relieved
Telling you
I am falling for you,
Unto your arms,
Into your embrace

I have fallen
Into your love

So Beautiful

Marriage

Always felt this video is very touching (=

...

I'm officially down again....

Neither Nor

Sometimes
I feel that when I'm down
When I really needed you
Physically, Desperately
Sometimes I feel
You're not sensitive to understand where I'm coming from
Sometimes
Its not about understanding the problem
Its to understand that someone is not feeling good
And be there for him or her physically
I should be left alone for a while.

Dream

Remember the times
When we sat on swings
The higher we swing
The closer we get to our dreams
Only to realise
We are merely reaching to the trees
That little innocence
Reminiscences every single soul
All of us
Getting ready to fly
Walking through these long paths
Looking back
We are still climbing
Who to say
We are no longer kids
The innocence we had
The love we shared
All ready to fly
Getting ready
For that beautiful beginning

如燕

愿意合上眼才能美夢無邊
別讓悔熏烏了從前

也許碎片才能讓回憶展顏
何妨瓷花拼湊明天

誰帶我尋獲幸福的模
卻自己謎中困鎖

誰為我留下繾綣的天涯
信物是抹晚霞

思念如燕它飛舞舌尖
若是真愛配嘗幾分苦甜

意念婆娑時間里推磨
追隨到何處才結果

燕如針線在青空縫編
幾幅女紅將以淚綴點

誓言斑駁情霧只是經過
風雨中且讓我盈步婀娜

Nothing much
Nothing less
Just a simple
I Love You.

The Call

To all my friends and especially Kenny
Though he already knew this song
Never the less, this is song expresses every single to those i treasure and care the most.
To love and never be forgotten

Holding On To You

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly

There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

.

Stupid.

Love

Just that simple love
Brought us so far
Always along with us
You and I

Faith

we will be able to pull through this
If we are meant to be together










We have to
I have to...

That Road

Along these many paths we took
Along with those memories
Will they one day
Be forgotten
Will that nightmare blind me
Or bring me to the very truth
Fate
Brought us together
Will it break us apart
Should I take a step forward
Or brave myself into that assumption
Walking on this very road
What is next
What will come
I hear many cries in me
What are they
Who are they
Or are they just
...Me
That very day when I chose that path
Did I regret it a little
That sorrow in me
Has once again
Taken me over
What could be right
What should be true
I'd rather live
On a lonely shell
That speaks
Of no truth
Of no lie
Of dismiss
Of no tie
But just
That very fact
I am alone

To The Anonymous

What is black and white
What was right and wrong
Why was I
Why should I
Why do I
When those unnecessary invades
When those shakes break out
Where should I go
Where should I hide
I am but
Too tired to confront
Too tired to resolve
Just let me breakaway from these
For I will return you your freedom
This
All these
Never I asked for
Should leave me alone

A Moment Like This

The love we share
Standing naked in front of us
In a lifetime to come
People wait
I always say
I have you
What is there to yearn
Every event
Every incident
Prove us
Our love is strong
That our love is undeniable
Looking at the beautiful you
Always remember
I love you
When I look at you
When I whisper to you
When this love have been decided
Since the day of births
Come to me
Let me embrace you
Because you have protected me
And because you are always here for me
I will become
Your once in a lifetime
And in eternity to come

Him

"Like a plant
We all need some space
The space to grow
The space to flower
The space to fruit
Though I know plants grow better
When they are together
You can't put them so close to each other
They are beautiful as themselves
Put them together and they look even better as a pair
But each still needs its space
Because they are still themselves
Lovely, beautiful plants
I want you to grow
I want you to flower
I want you to fruit
Because
You're my lovely, beautiful Raymond."


From him
The true love I ever found

Life In Me

I found hope
I found faith
Found truelove
You made it easy
You made it free
Its a secret
One day's heaven
Sometimes hell
Sometimes even angels fall
But that is the way it's suppose to be
For you found hope
You found faith
I made it easy
I made it free
Found truelove
You and I

Moody, hate it

The sky
The rain
The street
I see people walking along
Passing by me
Many of them
But none that I recognise
Strangers I see
Standing alone on the street
Rain fell onto me
The light seemed far away
The least visible
Drops I hear
Every tattering bit
No sun
No moon
Was it me whom lurched myself
Or the heart that left me lurched

Worn Out

I'm tired.

Fear

When you first saw me
I was cold and pricked
But you always looked at me
The love you gave to me
Troubled as I am
I am scared
I am afraid
That you will leave me
Some day
One day
I cried
I cry
I feel alone
I feel helpless
How can I let you know
I am more than the smile and laughter you see each day
Everyday I see you
I treasure them
Though my heart cries a few
I want to be happy around you
At time
I would think inside me
Maybe to see you less
May I feel more at ease
No it doesn't feel any better
Not seeing you
Shall I be the one for you
I am hereby
Overwhelmed by fear

Bond

Your love
Impacted so much on me
Your deeds
Charged me with all
Never let me go
You promised
My heart teared
This drop I gave
Promise I made upon
Never will I desert you
For I fall myself
Into your gentle arms
Telling me
How you thank God for me
I look into you
And you say to me
Beautiful are my eyes
Here I am
Standing to you
Giving you
The brightest smile
The loudest cry
The laughable
The untouchable
Nothing much
Nothing less
Just the simple
Just the genuine me

Smiling to you
Gives me happiness
Whining to you
Gives me security
Laughing to you
Gives me warmth
Crying to you
Gives me comfort
You are
For who you are
For whom I love
For who we are
For we are one

My Surprise

At times people believe
Mystical happens alongside them
Showing them the everything they thought were myths
So much so what they expect
I have a better
I have Kenny by my doorstep
Surprise he got to me
Loved

The Wait

When I saw the skies are blue
The ocean green
The white winged flew above
I hear the wind
They say to me
Its okay, be strong
I see the clouds
They showed me my memories
I feel the Sun
He gave me warmth
I am just right here
With all I have
Waiting for your return
Back from where you took off
I never left
Just right here
At this very same place we knew each other
The love you gave me
The one you loved so much
Your beloved
My love
Us

It Is You

The Falls

I get so mesmerized when he smirks! =D

My Morning Is His....

I dreamt of you
And we kissed.

My Darling

He sent me this afternoon, isn't he cute? (=

For Good

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you

And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness for what you blame me for...
Well I guess there is blame to share...
And none of it seems to matter anymore
Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun (like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood)
Like a ship blown off it's mooring by a wind off the sea (like a seed dropped by a skybird in the wood)
Who's to say if I've been changed for the better?

Because I knew you,
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good

Miss You

Missing you
Much as the sky's degree
Loves.

Just us

My Journal

Feelings as it started
When the dark clouds moved away
I saw the tree open
The light shone through
Stars fall in the bright sky
Sun shining through the peaceful night
Life of the openness
We promised us
Like you promised me
As our vows held upon thee
The pale clouds
The flying doves
The everyday's you
The always me
The very us

The Thing We Have

Just my knight
Just his beloved
Always his
Always mine

Time

I need the time
I need to know if we are really suitable for each other
I don't want to waste your time
I don't want to use up mine
I don't want to step into something where it might be just an act of a repulse
I don't want you to step into something that might land you into deep blackhole
I don't want to be pressurized by anything
I don't need you to be pressurized
I just need to know
I need to be myself

Bio

My name is Raymond
I am a mix blood
I am a christian
I am 19 this year
I teach music
I major viola
I am currently in the army
I am open about myself being gay
I love caucasians
I want to live in Scotland
I want to die in God's hands
Last but not least
I love Kenny

My Comfort

Spent my time waiting
Thought nothing can come by
Despaired as it was
This man came by
Pulled me out this dark hole
Protected me from the vultures
Embraced with his arms
I saw his face
He was real
I was in the arms of an angel
This angel
Held onto
Loved into
This man
He is my angel

My love for him

Thousands of years
Human lived through their own
A year passed
How did we define
In his land
Trees whisper
Wind talk
That thousands of years have passed us
From the great within he left us
The rebirthed phoenix
The great cat
Sons of Adam
Daughters of Eve
Bestowed with benevolence
Promised us with his faith
We no longer belonged to us
As we are for one
For the great clear sky of heaven's north gate
Angels dancing with the wind
Mermaids flowing with the fishes
Fauns humming the lullaby
All of them
Back onto this mortal land once again
Light came back on us
Clouds
Sun
Ocean
The deep magic
With his son's words
Here we are
Onto this garden was once forbidden
Now
It is forgiven
The love with all embrace
Come back to me
My love ones
Shall I bethroned you
With the greatest glory
The fair
The just
The gentle
The valiant
Most of all
The purity
With these all
I shall have you
All of you back to my arms
Once again
The verdict has been written
Under his witness
Within his heart
For we are all one
One and for all we shall be


::Dedication of Easter::

Legend

In a land of no return
Time was not accepted within
Clouds were beneath step of paths
There once lived a queen
Windefelle
Beautiful as the angel's hymn
Elegant as the water flow
Lived by her gracefulness
The creatures of God's bestow
Angels of north heaven
There I was
In this land where Virgo brought me to
Looking upon the great warmth
I saw Windefelle
Her benevolence got me into peace
Here she came to me
Giving me three promises
"Dimmest and youngest star as he could be, will he be your most faithful guardian that protects you from absolute darkness"
"Heart of fire, though faint yet enough to keep you warm and be loved"
Last but not least
"The 'Meramenoid's Lullaby' I give to you shall protect you from all darklings from within and the faith we both remembered with the promise upon God's witness thousand years ago"
The three promises
Never shall I be disturbed

Lost Soul

It seemed so bright
Yet a little undone
It seemed so right
Yet a little too well perfected
The way it was done
Thou shall not thee
Which route did you show me
Shall I follow upon to thee
Looked upon
I took a step back
You questioned
I wish I knew
You wished I knew
Thought to be stolen
Yet it seemed returned
Thought to be unsatisfied
Yet given upon great satisfactory
Thought to be lost
It is still lost...

Lifespend

Indulgence
Isolation
Words of many
But lost of every
To whom it may concern
To whom it will be
To whom...

Forgiven

Couldn't save you from the start
Love you so it hurts my soul
Can you forgive me for trying again
Your silence makes me hold my breath
Oh, time has passed you by

For so long I've tried to shield you from the world
You couldn't face the freedom on your own
Here I am left in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven

I watched the clouds drifting away
Still the sun can't warm my face
I know it was destined to go wrong
You were looking for the great escape
To chase your demons away

For so long I've tried to shield you from the world
You couldn't face the freedom on your own
And here I am left in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven

I've been so lost since you've gone
Why not me before you
Why did fate deceive me
Everything turned out so wrong
Why did you leave me in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven

:Within Temptation

Comfort

Look into the night sky
What do you see?
I see stars
Glowing dimly
I flew up into the sky
Looking for the brighter regions
Where stars shine brighter than anywhere seen on solid earth
The higher I flew
More stars I see
Like a blanket full of holes
Covering the white sky
I felt the resonance of earth’s heartbeat
I heard the voice from the great beyond
And I saw no one
But only myself
Up in the sky
Standing all by myself
The stars no longer shine
The resonance…
The voice…
Everything…
Gone.


Looking up upon
I ask God
When will you guide me back to your kingdom?
When will you bring me back into your arms?
I seek nothing now
But to stay comfort in your hands…

Emotions- hidden within

Snow fell upon me
I knew you wouldn’t come back to me
Wind talked to me
She told me not to give up
I looked at the sky and said
I’m scared


To see of what I see not
To seek for what I seek not
To love for whom I love so
To wait upon whom he will never come back
Faith
Believe
Distraction
Destruction
Saint
Devil
Alone am I
Take me into the dark
Take
Took
Taken…

Seek

What are we? Where are you? Who am I?
Why were we? Where were you? Who was I?
Where am I? Who are you? … What am I?

I see the sky in bloom.
I see the clouds imitating.
I feel the sunlight entering me.
I feel the moonlight embracing me.
I hear the wind playing mischievously.
I hear the air whispering to me.
But I don’t see you…
But I don’t feel you…
But I don’t hear you…

Walking alone in the desert red snow
I see no one
Stepping onto the earthly ground
Filling the air with noises
While the silence is slowly killing me
Who am I seeking?
Who am I looking for?
Who should I seek?
Who should I look for?
Where will I start?
Where will you be?

Time

Your face
I kept it inside my eyes
Your voice
I kept inside my ears
Your smell
I kept it under my nose
Your loved
I kept it inside me
One day if I die
I bring along your everything
I will bring it to heaven
And tell God
He is the man I love
The only I had and will only be him
Now and forever…

Freedom

If the sky was ever blue like the ocean
Where will you be?
If the stars were ever bright as the sun
Where will I get to see you?
If your existence meant my life
Where will I be?
The heart you see in me
What did I see?
The awoken memories...
Fragmented
When was the last time when I see the skies are blue and grasses are green?
When was the last time when I see you in my heart?
Forever seemed far to an end of a rainbow from the other
But it seemed ever nearer to hearts that speak of love
Frightened yet happy
Afraid yet impatient
Paranoid yet anxious
How are you?
I was fine....

Distant Promise

Thus the curtain closes on
Another tale an eternity has passed..
Fleeting dreams fade into distance...
All that I left now,
Is me and my memories...


But I'm sure we will meet again..
Someday, you and I...
Another place, another time.

It's just that we might not realize
That you are you, and I am me...


Let us open the door to the great unknown,
Come across another reality...
And live another today...
Even when the story has been told,
Life goes on...

Until we meet again,
Take care of yourself, my love

Forever yours,


Raymond

Question? Or Answer?

If you asked
I'd been there
If you had never tell me anything
I would never know anything
Space I give you more
You abused me more
Certainty of expectations
What do you think I am
I am not even what I am to be myself
And I have to learn to be you
The stars I see
Fell upon skies of universe
The sunshine I feel
Fell into deep dark ends
Trying so hard
Falling so high
As if I did nothing
Five senses
Broken
Emotions
Abandoned
To be a question of an answer
Or an answer to a question
Remaining in silence
Stay
For the sake of being
Cold

What do I do

The sky is clear today, very clear
But why do I feel the emptiness filling up in me?
Why would the sky be clear today?
A strange feeling called upon me....
What do I do
I just felt, sad
I am feeling abandoned...
Why do people coe and go?
Why do people that I loved have to leave
Why can't I have more answers than questions?
I am but living in a world of stupidity
To whom may it seem bright
I see nothing but the emptiness out of me
To whom may it seem so strong
I see myself so weak, so fragile
What happen to me?
Why did it fall upon me?
The sky is so clear today
I don't want to be alone
I'm, afraid
I am scared of being alone
To be controlled by that over whelming darkness
I beg not
I don't want fear
I never wanted
What do I see?
What will I seek?
I don't see my future in myself
I don't myself in me, anymore
What have become of me?
What turned me
What did I turn myself into?
A person that fear upon himself
Eventually causing it to take him up
Bit by bit
Leaving him nothing but, again
The emptiness
What will I turn into?
The sky is so blue
My heart
I don't feel rhythm
I don't see colours
I don't hear voices
I lost nothing but myself
The sin
The deed
The saint
The devil
Nothing is all
But the emptiness that starts the world with
Seek of what I never know can come to
Should I continue to hold on to this faith?
Or should I believe in you
I am confused
Contradicting fear I say
Show me what's to and not
Love me...

To Wait...

Waiting for you
Standing at the port way cliff
Did you know
Or did you not
To see the doves fly away
To see the whales sing in harmony
I see the rainbow descending from heaven's south gate
I hear the wind coming from heaven's north gate
I smell the glorious scents right from heaven's east gate
I feel the warmth bestowed to all from heaven's west gate
But I don't feel your presence
Standing
Hoping
Just hoping you would return to me
Embrace me once more
Till the rock may one day decay
I shall wait upon the rest of my life
Because
I see you in me
Because
I hear you voice in my mind
Because
I smell your scents around me
Because
I feel you
In my heart....

Vague Memories

When did the sky turn blue?
When did the rain start showering?
How did I end up here?
Faraway I saw a castle
A castle with thick haze surrounding
To where should I head to?
To whom should I seek refuge?
Black snow fall upon thee
Here I ask again
Where is he?
Where is he who called upon my name
To keep me awake
But here again
He left with signs of grieve
Thee who holds the capability to subdue me
Leaves thy falling into deep sleep once more
Where is he?
Where are you?
Where was I?
Where am I....

Murderer

''When love died
The few, spurting drops of his passion
Proved more than enough
To fill to overflowing
The reservoir of her resentment.
A shared moment of joy
Stretched into an infinity of regret.
And so she refashioned
The dart of her love
Honing the blade edges
To paper slicing sharpness.
Secreting far from sight
But always close to hand
The stiletto of her revenge.''
Will I become like this one day?
If ever I become like this
Kill me...

Why did you do this?
Why was I kept vulnerable?
To the wind I could not feel the breeze
To the sea I could not feel the flow
To the person I could not stop thinking
Orion, always shining brightly
Always there
Shining beautifully yet beyond reach
I don't want to be like that
I just want to give away everything I have now
In exchange of the ordinary life
Give me of what that I adore and envy of
Put me together with the ordinary
I don't want to feel lonely again
I...Never wanted to be alone
No longer will I want to be alone...again....

happy

At last, we got our photo shoot! haha. And I have decided to rename my quartet's name to Cadence Quartet(=

Apart

To forget his existence, or to believe that i can...
To pursue, or to let go...
To time where it never exist, or to infinity where love goes beyond boundaries...
If only he, only then I...
If only heaven, only then earth...
Till then, everything remains.
To reach, to touch, to be embraced.
To stay, to wait, to be loved.
Someday, one day.
I will stand beofre the big, proving them my existence is for real.
Iwill stand beyond the stars whom theysee not.
In one I touch, the sky beyond many earths shall love again...

La Campanelle Quartet

This is my quartet..haha

Reunion

Recently...or rather two days back, an old friend of mine which stays in the same district but NEVER saw each other for 10 years? Haha. Anyway, her name's Adeline. Grace , Adeline and I were close friends when we were young. Now, we still are. Oh well. We had dinner together and went Indo Chine to have a drink and chit chat at the same time everyone is ctachin uo with each other regarding our current doings. We stayed till 1230am? And headed for supper. I got home at 3am, haha. So thats about it. Adeline took a few pictures with us. So i shall post them up (=

My daily lives

Chinese New Year this year was rather boring. On Sunday, I met a friend of mine that came down from San Francisco, we had lunch together and ended up bitching about catholicism(no offense) 'cause he use to be a catholic but he thinks its almost nonsense being one so he's an athiest now. We had a couple of hours hanging in Starbuck taking nonsense and we bid goodbye as I still have something else to attend to.Later, I went to my friend's place to give comments on her student's playing. She played rather....gross, haha. I did my best in correcting her. Not bad, work hard! Afterwards, I went to my own student, Emaline's place and I hate it! Her cat is crazy, she hisses at everyone! I have to run into her room while Emaline locks her in the kitchen. I went to provoke her after she was locked in, she attmepted to ponuce on me but a glass sliding door was in the way! I rock, haha! When I was about to leave, Emaline got her out! I was like, what the? I ran as fast as i could to the door, got my shoes and stepped out of her house. Stupid cat!( She scratched me before, thats why she sucks!) Later on, I went home to rest and wait for people to come my house for visiting. Oh, I bought new stuffs from Ikea again myself. I bought four frames of different sizes and framed the picutres taken from Paris. They are nice! I'm so slow at blogging nowadays. Oh well, this Thursday is my medical screening. I called Major Tay in the afternoon to remind him about my enlistment, haha. That's all. -Close book-

「霧笛荘のテーマ」港の見える部屋

Its the 3rd day of Lunar New Year, I'm just feeling tired and very sleepy. The mahjong session gave me like **** last night. My family and I had a little time of our own, we went Ikea together to do furnitiure shopping. I bought a side table that cost only 8bucks, a head lamp, two wall shelves and a quilt. Yesterday's gig was kind of terrible, I got there at early 10 and they only started at 1! Visited my four aunts at aljunied, my sis's mother-in-law, my another aunt, and I went back after that to start my mahjong. Its damn hard to 'Hu' thirteen odds when 1 of them only knows how to 'Hu' the basic kind(yawnz). After my friends left, I went online to chat and ended up chatting on thne phone. And today I will be having another gig and I hope I'm being well payed(=. And I'm supppose to prepare now and leave house soon, but I'm still blogging. I find Lunar New Year getting more and more boring. Or rather, meaningless....Nevermind. Sometimes I just wonder when people says tomorrow is a new day, but what if tomorrow will never come. You're locked within time, chained by dimension. What you see might be nothing but mere hallucination. When yes and no makes no difference. When two becomes one. When emptiness equals to heavy loaded. Its just a random thought. So happy Luner New Year everyone!

-

Whatever. I don't understand, I really don't. Its crap. Just crap. How nice. Whatever fucking shit. Just..leave me alone.

Me

I'm still feeling tired today. I might not really know what's going on but, I will try and learn to understand.

Today, I went out with Nic(Pooh Bear) for movie. We watched Requiem and it was not bad. Afterwards, we went to Esplanade to get the pipa. Apparently Qing Lun and company saw me and they told Wei Kang that I looked so differently now. Then we walked our way to Tedd's place which is at Shangri-La Apartments, that's like cityhall to bugis?! Crazy I tell you( Nicholas Ho I will strangle you I swear), but he was nice to help me carry for a short while. We got there and met up with many people from here and there(too many people and too long story, most importantly, I'm too tired to type too long) And for who I know Lelandra from the 1st season of Singapore Idol was there. And Tedd wanted me to accompaniment with her on the pipa. Like some instant impromptu test, haha. Oh well..she sings real good and it was fun. In the end, we chatted till late and had supper having chicken rice. I really can't recgonise them. I only remember their names. Like, Weiqing?Song Ming, John, Kelvin, Richard, Karl???, Maple?, Cindy, Daniel, Champ, Lelandra and her sister, Tedd's parents, Gavin and I can't remember the others. Nicholas went off before me, he deserted me! Kidding. I'm too tired and I'm making my blog sounds boring. I should stop here.

Out of a sudden?

Met up with a friend of mine yesterday. Oh my, I haven't seen him for more than half a year! Time does flies, we had 'tea session' and chatted for very long at some coffee house. Nothing big actually, just catching up with each other. And, he's getting married....sounds sudden to me, But, ya he's getting married in June. Congrats to him, and be sure to invite me! Haha. Few days back, I went out with Samantha, this old friend of mine that I hadn't meet for 4 entire years! She is this friend of mine since primary school. A nice friend, but wasn't that nice when we were younger, haha. Oh, did I mention her birthday falls on the same as mine? Nice isn't it? Haha. Anyway, we went Moon River for lunch, caught up with each other. Went Esplanade and settled down in Boat Quay's coffee bean. Sat that and talked about religous and the Pastors that.....Anyway, just felt like blogging suddenly, so this is just a stupid entry. Meeting Nicholas for movie later. Still considering whether should I turn up Tedd's BBQ. Wei Kang, please pass a playable pipa later, I need it for rehearsal.

Peace

I wanna learn Heike Monogatari, haha! Sand, so smooth. The sea, bring me my love. -hymms away-

Vulnerable

Sometimes, I feel that I have noone to voice out to. Maybe I feel rather embarrassing to tell people my problems, at least to the people that I feel close to. Too much deep thoughts without a definate answer makes me sad everyday. I'm just gonna look from afar, and....My mind isn't thinking at the right things at all. I...what am I again? Nevermind..I just feel so...vulnerable. Just too vulnerable.

Oh Well...

In life, we always have our up and downs. Today I just happen to have my downs and I'm just quiet today. Not the keeping mum kinda quiet but the mentally shut down quiet. And ya, I am just random in thoughts today and...I'm out of stuffs to say already. My student, Emaline and I went to Synwin to get her old gross strings changed today. I actually wanted her to get Pirastrio Gold cause her violin suits more to the kinda tension and tone quality etc but its rather ex for her to get that. So in the end, we got the Dominant string. Not saying that its no good, but always the same set of strings..boring! I tried the $1860 violin that was placed on the desk a boy tried earlier on and I don't think it sounded anywhere near a $2000 should sound like. Seriously, its bright yet alittle too sharp. The strings on it are good cause they are Pirastrio tonica strings but the violin is like...BURN IT! Synwin has good violin/viola, real good ones. But you really have to know to choose it yourself or at least with you teacher and not just stupidly believe into everything the salesperson tells you although its true he plays violin well too, but he can't decide your playing. Anyway, people that really wanna know how many REAL good violins in Synwin, there's only 5 REAL good ones. After which, I headed NAC, had some business with them and Emaline went on a 'Cross Hunt'. We were literally looking for nice yet simple looking kinda cross pendants and stuffs. And we talked about Pastor Prince and the head pastor of City Harvest, all I can say is, they are not righteous at all. At least not from the inside. Somehow I felt that their 'good deeds' don't really come right from the bottom of their heart. I think they are really the people that brings down faith or rather, leading the real righteous ones into the wrong mentality. Ok, enough of that. More of it and I think I might get killed by the followers( to think that I'm joining New Creation's Music Ministry as a violinist, I am starting to regret it. After learning that fact of how these head pastors are from the inside, I don't really see the reason playing music in such Churches as music becomes stained with spots and still ongoing. Maybe I just have to play music like how I think music should be in the Ministry to influence people and make them remember what faith, believe and purity really is? Who knows. God bless) We had had dinner later on at fountain foodcourt and I had chicken cutlet curry rice. Qian Wen you guessed it wrongly, haaha. But I did went to toilet right after my meal. Oh well, we didn't talk much during dinner( I don't really like to talk while having meals). After that Emaline and I went shopping...No, its Emaline that went shopping non stop and I hadn't had the chance to really shop what I want to(I'm not your boyfriend, I want my own shopping too so don't...Nevermind)
Went home after that, and my dog shit on the floor. I had to clean it and I'm use to it. Nicholas smsed me about being fat and doing hula hoops, haha! He's a cute boy la. He calls me a Dnomyar. Like WOW..That's mostly it. My quiet day...doesn't seem that quiet after all eh. But it really is one the quietest day in a few months.

End of this chapter.

Its a reply that I don't think that you will ever get to read it. Forever Yi Zu, its just those days when we were still pure and innocent. Today, both of us have changed, be it good or bad. We are not who we were and never will we able to see the 'we' ever again. I can tell you, we use to be very good friends, but now both of us sees almost everything differently and I have to say that I still strongly disagree with things that you're doing now. But eventually, you are still you. What you choose in the end, its your own decision. No one could or should interfere with your own choice. Likewise for me. We will still be musicians partners/friends. Whether will we have that bond between each other, we won't know and seriously, I don't think that bond exist between us anymore. Sad to say but, You and I are just neutrual friends from now onwards. We might still laugh at some silly nonsense I talk about. We may do silly things like any nonsense I can think of. You have hurt me and tarnish this friendship like dust, I will tolerate and wish to explain no more. What has been done is already done and nothing can recuperate it. What made you today will be what you become in future and what path i choose, i will never regret. All I have to say is, you take care of youself. Political scenes in Chinese Orchestra is not as simple as you see and think. That's what I can advice you on and I believe anyone will tell you the same thing if they are really you good. Farewell, pal.

Love

BEAUTIFUL ICE PRINCESS/PRINCE . You are very difficult to get. You have big requirements and this one you love must try hard to get you. But after she/he melt your heart she/he will be the most happy person in the world. You need someone who shoes you that you are someone SPECIAL and it makes you feel good to see that you are loved. She/He shall know that you could easily get another girl/boyfriend ,but you won't as long as you love your partner. when she/he hurts you, you will hurt him too, but in general you dont get hurt. If your partner cheated you ,you would react cold and immediately (try to) forget or to hurt him/her. TIP: Try to show your partner what you really feel! You are very good at hiding your true emotions, which can make you seem to be arrogant. --->its me that this report is about.

Kinda late, but ya...

Beautiful! Its just gorgeous! I just updated the pictures I took in Vietnam, it is definately a place I would go again. A place with the pace just right, the peace and the love. To spend one's life there, its just happiness. I would say Vietname, I fell in love with you(=

Snowing

When the sun shines on earth
Every part of her is bestowed with different blessings
Warm light shines on you
Constant rain falls upon them
And the sad snow got to me
Walking in a distance
Or maybe a distant
Cold air embraced me
When will I turn to him
Or will he turn to me
Walking in a desert snow
Literally walking into a living grave
Literally walking into the end of life
The sky is so red
The air is so thin
The snow is black
Walking on the ice
Or walking on the big frozen ocean am I not
Killing the silence with noises
While the silence is slowly killing me
So be it
Black snow falls on my land
Bestow me with a death wish
Take me
Bring me
And never shall we come back again
Ever Again

Almost dead.

Its the 2nd time in my life that i got a fever during rehearsals, and it really sucked! Yesterday the chamber were havin rehearsals, I thought my fever had already subsided. And for all I know, it came back. I seriously could see the notes moving about and I nearly vomitted, hardly even play anything yesterday. And I got stuffs to attend to today, like my fever better subside before this Thursday's rehearsal. By the way, do come and catch this 1st kids' symphony concert. We are featuring Mozart's repetoires. Anybody interest please msn me. Thanks!

Bitches

A blog has got nothing to do with anybody..AT ALL.not to confront people, not make people believe in anything...its just a simple diary that people can type whatever they feel like it( a voice out).. No one's being force to read one person's blog..but if he or she did find her name in one's blog..she/he herself/himself is being dumb..so who is being stupid? The one that blogged it? Or the one that stupidly looked in the bloggers blog? Use some common sense..By the way, no one ever said it was important at all...The stupidest of all is..why feel sad when he/she never did it..and in the end feels that it doesnt matter at all..it SHOULD really matter not abit at all even whatever any says if he/she did not do it....surely he/she has some common sense..

Only Human

After all the hardship we been through
After all the happiniess we had together
Friends that had been together
Eating, fighting, arguing and playing...
Eventually, we are bonded together
You, I loved
And I, your loved
We all lived in peace and prosperity
Fights and quarrelments
Fades off eventually
Our bond
Binds us even stronger
All the miracle that happened
Let us believe
Everything..
That we are
Only Human...
With all the loves that binds each and everyone together..
'Cause we are
Only Human..
Stay strong and live on
Even if there is no tomorrow
Love the next second for being there
Even if there is an end to life
Love the beginning of a new born to the light
Even if laugther fades
Love the smiles that had been there
After all, we are
Only Human

No why, just this..

Hm..it's been so long since I really blogged. So many things in my mind, let's start with music then. I've decided to pursue my studies in Classical scene and not the Oriental. Many reasons. Many stories behind them- Bad ones. It's kind of stupid sometimes. Everyone is literally killing each other bit by bit. Not saying that I wasn't a bitch, but some are really crazy over being one. Just wanting to get you out of the 'stage' to keep themselves safe. Seriously, I think I only have 2 people I can really talk to- Wei Kang and Jing Xuan. Others, I really don't know who you people are or what you people want. Not saying Oriental stuffs' no good but taking it as leisure isn't that bad after all..Maybe its 'cause of Pipa. An instrument being so challenging, people learning it yearns to master it and hope to be the few best in Singapore or even further(if possible). Whatever it is. I feel happier now, without all these nonsense. Xueqi- till today, I still don't think you're someone THAT simple. Your positive character may trick others, but...don't use it on me. Michelle- I got nothing to say about you, you're not the worse nor the best. 'Cause you just brings your masks everywhere you go. Rachel(erhu)- You're just a fat bitch and hell you go with your boobs you butch. You can get whoever to come confront what I said for whatever I care. You make me puke, bitch. Kenny- Either you stay out of my life or I'll get into yours. Don't turn me into a bitch 'cause I'll be a VERY nasty one...
Lend my Pipa to Weikang few days back, he needed it for NAC Competition. I haven't been playing it for quite sometime, I hope he won't get disqualified due to my pipa(i'll be damn guilty). Oh well, best of luck to things you do. By the way, I think Weikang is a more tolerant person than I am. So people thinking that he is a whatever kinda person. I might be worse.
Jing Xuan is competing in NAC too..someone I once fell in love with before..haha...out of the point. Anyway, play well and get into finals ya? And did I mention you're getting prettier? Haha, I mean it(= -Hugs.
After taking lessons again with Luo Biao, was playing Schindler's List and we realised that my right hand's better than my left( have to do more finger excercises). He says its better cause majority of the violinist/violist doesnt have as much energy on the right hand even for those with Dips. And he said my vibrato has gone deeper, I was delighted(= Was playin Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto in D at home. I realise 3rd movement is easier than 1st movement(like wth?) Gonna practice with more with Belinda next week. Maybe Paganini? Haha. If only we could. Violin's fun, but too many people in Singapore playing it, real good. So I'm gonna major myself with viola. Yang lao shi said that there's Singapore Philharmonic Orchestra(Only heard of Singapore Phil. Winds) and she's asking me to join. I'll see if I have the time for it.
Lastly, I hope everything in my life is settling down now. I don't wanna go on an endless sea. Its tiring and meaningless. Everybody should be loved(=..Hope the new people i meet are really friends.

Everything is nonsense, almost.

From today onwards, i will not get even an inch for friends anymore.

為我好

无条件为你; 为你坚强就不怕牺牲
爱.....真的需要勇气
爱上你的全部, 放弃我的全部
爱上了你之后, 我开始领悟
陪你走了一段最唯美的国度
3 years?
5 years?
....10 years?
I will wait for you
'Cause I love you
Have faith in the both of us
My distant promise

Be Gone

Things with you have been brought to the back of me
You are officially out of my life
A new chapter shall begin from now, without you interfering it
Be gone.
You are you
And I shall be myself
At least not with you.
Goodbye.

Thoughts

Thoughts
You said you don't want to think anymore
Don't think then
I don't want to think anymore
Teach me to
Time flows and scarred my life
To see with light
Or to fade into the dark
Is it not true?
Forget me not
Erase me
From 'Time'
Memories.
Worthy of a fortune
A gil it may worth
Look within
What do you see
Nothing
Everything was empty to beginn with
Memories
Simply
Worthless

Nil

Met up with Alvin recently , an old friend of mine. Had a very good chat with him at his place. He loves my new pierced ear. He said now i look so hot, he might as well fall in love with me. I kept quiet. His mom still makes superb dumplings for me!=p..He said I live for one purpose, to play music. I said he live for a purpose, to enjoy life, haha...Alvin is right, he says that I am awake, yet I dream. True...Maybe I really live for one purpose, but to play music?-definately not my first perspective..Awake to see you, dream to see magic. That's what he said.
Going to JB for a small invited rectial at a certain high school this coming Wednesday with Mei Lin and Jerad, the pianist and cellist. Performing Mozart's I-Allegro Con Spirito, II-Andante Con Espressione and III-Rondo: Allegro. After the recital, they are most probably gonna head home*Both are malaysians* and I will most likely go further like central of M'sia for a little vacation myself. Francis complains that he can't go..oh well..another time i guess... If he awakens from his dreams, everything will stop moving forward. -Dreaming from reality, awakening from his dreams-

Stay

The moon..The beach..The memories...I shall bury them somewhere and bring myself away from this magic land...Still, I love you. Never stopped loving.

Saviour; Reaper

Crimson lights
The sky
The birds still asleep
Like a dream
It shines
From heaven’s safe key
Children souls
I saw
As soft as the breeze
I call all these prays to the sky
Just as to see your face
I carry these memories inside
Thoughts of the soul
Coloured by light
See me grow wings and fly high
As the cloud dance
In the blue sky
Watching me
Watching you
Silent black
The door
And time tell its tale
Darken blood
It flows
The eden’s riverstream
Look within
The dark
As deep as my scar
There inside
Destruction you see
In the midst of the sky
My soul scattered
So is my dream
See me disperse and vanish
As the cloud gathers
In the blue sky
Watching me
Watching you

1000 Words

Days passing by, still thinking of you. Of those words you told me, the days where you spent with me, the event we took togther. Without you, everything around me seems to quiet down alot. Or maybe I can't hear much. There are many places i wanted to go with you, to do with you. Changes are not to be made, I'm still gonna go to those places. But alone. I saw the beautiful sunset again this evening. I remembered your smile. Your eyes. Your voice. The Hymn of J'saed. You are the one whom thy seek. For whose heart thy seeks shall be settled down securely by thee. Flying at will or not. I will turn myself becoming your sacrification. With the string tying you up I shall be the blade that will help you free. At your will to fly i shall become your prey as you would never worry about hunger. -Just For You.-

The Hymn of Fayth

The Hymn of Fayth, Do you hear them? These voices they hum, like the rays of light piercing through everyone's heart. Singing with hope, yet with sad depression. The Hymn of Fayth, Do you hear them? Out from everyone's sorrow they come from, praying for their sending. The Hymn of Fayth, Hear them not. They still remain the same. Sad, Sorrowful, Grieved, Helpless.
The Hymn of Fayth, I hear them. I am The Hymn of Fayth.

You are..

Missing you deeply. You left. But I still yearn for your return. Here I stand, praying for you. Looking at you from within. I never stopped loving you. The everyday with you. I never forget. Never will I want to. I'm just so souless now. I am leaving as soon as i can. I...can't find the meaning of living...the meaning of love anymore...Bright moon, sad. Shimmering stars, fatigue.

Leave;Left

That night. Your left me. I guessed you really did. I feelings were never false. True to you all this while, even now. Never changed abit. You're leaving me. You left me. Guess it's time for me to leave too. All this while, you are the reason I stayed. But now, nothing is important anymore. I'm leaving this place. This place where dreams once came true. Where love exist forever, I thought. Maybe you're right. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving this place. I loved you, and will still be. You are my one and only. I once said it. Never will I forget it.'Cause I mean it. Goodbye. I love you.

How deep is yous love

How deep is your love....In a world of fools...We belong to you and me..That is all I want.Nothing much at all.

Dark Waltz

Airy. Quiet. The music starts to fill up the emptiness of the ballroom. Dark music. Dark atmosphere. Spirits of the unrest rose once again, got together and danced once again like they did in the past. The moon still shining that brigthly like before, the 'Dark Waltz' starts to fill the air. My heart, felt the airy yet occupied. Dancing the waltz from one to another, I got lost in this crowd of souls and spirits. I realised i could not find my soul. I'm but an empty shell with almost nothing left inside. The music continued yet i hear nothing but silence. The rythm of steps given from the spirits yet i felt no upbeat from anywhere. I am all alone?..Or am I not? Let the Dark Waltz in me start to play. Never let me go.

你的眼睛

当昨天的往事已经编成故事这并不是终点当昨天的痛苦结束好想再看见你的眼睛最亮的星星 黑暗中就会出现一路上 因为你带我走过 漆黑 深夜教我懂得珍惜 平凡千变万变的世界只有你的眼睛最真纷纷扬扬 看不清明天是你给我带来平静不知不觉中 依靠紧紧抱住每一秒钟你的眼睛能 为我 流泪我的心 不孤单

Rain..

Nothing much at all today...Was raining..Should justrain continuosly for a week...Just rain..

Wedding..Congrats.

Attended Cousin Eric's wedding dinner today at Changi Family Court. Its a very romantic place to share your joy with your loves ones. A place that I would want to spend my everyday there. A place with no noise, no crowd, no pain. I think I will spend my there from now on whenever i have that time. I would want to spend the days with you. Nothing more. Just catching the sunsets with you. Thats all. Anyway, congrats to my dearest cousin, Eric, and his beloved wife, Angeline. May god bless you always.

One Life, Live it.

One life, live it. I don't know whether should i say. I don't know how to trust you. Or should i say, how are you going to make me gain trust again. I have changed so much for you. Perhaps its a getback of what i use to do. Its so...cold...A life. So be it...

Only Human

Man saving lives. Saving them with their ever inborn abilities. Pressuming that they are at advantage of doing things incredible. Saving lives. Creating Miracles. Making the impossibles. Made believe the most ridiculous. After all this yes and no, they are still eventually mere human. So what's there to argue about?

Crap

Went to Qin's today and..everything was just crap...real crap..got myself a new violin student though..(=Not in the mood to do almost everything..Haven't been in the mood for doing anything lately...Just...whatever...Crap.

I want to keep very quiet

The violnist today wants to get soft...just soft...and softer..and softer..shhhh...he should just stop talking for a few days or even more...just...keep quiet...I just want to live in my own world these few days onwards...