My love for him

Thousands of years
Human lived through their own
A year passed
How did we define
In his land
Trees whisper
Wind talk
That thousands of years have passed us
From the great within he left us
The rebirthed phoenix
The great cat
Sons of Adam
Daughters of Eve
Bestowed with benevolence
Promised us with his faith
We no longer belonged to us
As we are for one
For the great clear sky of heaven's north gate
Angels dancing with the wind
Mermaids flowing with the fishes
Fauns humming the lullaby
All of them
Back onto this mortal land once again
Light came back on us
Clouds
Sun
Ocean
The deep magic
With his son's words
Here we are
Onto this garden was once forbidden
Now
It is forgiven
The love with all embrace
Come back to me
My love ones
Shall I bethroned you
With the greatest glory
The fair
The just
The gentle
The valiant
Most of all
The purity
With these all
I shall have you
All of you back to my arms
Once again
The verdict has been written
Under his witness
Within his heart
For we are all one
One and for all we shall be


::Dedication of Easter::

Legend

In a land of no return
Time was not accepted within
Clouds were beneath step of paths
There once lived a queen
Windefelle
Beautiful as the angel's hymn
Elegant as the water flow
Lived by her gracefulness
The creatures of God's bestow
Angels of north heaven
There I was
In this land where Virgo brought me to
Looking upon the great warmth
I saw Windefelle
Her benevolence got me into peace
Here she came to me
Giving me three promises
"Dimmest and youngest star as he could be, will he be your most faithful guardian that protects you from absolute darkness"
"Heart of fire, though faint yet enough to keep you warm and be loved"
Last but not least
"The 'Meramenoid's Lullaby' I give to you shall protect you from all darklings from within and the faith we both remembered with the promise upon God's witness thousand years ago"
The three promises
Never shall I be disturbed

Lost Soul

It seemed so bright
Yet a little undone
It seemed so right
Yet a little too well perfected
The way it was done
Thou shall not thee
Which route did you show me
Shall I follow upon to thee
Looked upon
I took a step back
You questioned
I wish I knew
You wished I knew
Thought to be stolen
Yet it seemed returned
Thought to be unsatisfied
Yet given upon great satisfactory
Thought to be lost
It is still lost...

Lifespend

Indulgence
Isolation
Words of many
But lost of every
To whom it may concern
To whom it will be
To whom...

Forgiven

Couldn't save you from the start
Love you so it hurts my soul
Can you forgive me for trying again
Your silence makes me hold my breath
Oh, time has passed you by

For so long I've tried to shield you from the world
You couldn't face the freedom on your own
Here I am left in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven

I watched the clouds drifting away
Still the sun can't warm my face
I know it was destined to go wrong
You were looking for the great escape
To chase your demons away

For so long I've tried to shield you from the world
You couldn't face the freedom on your own
And here I am left in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven

I've been so lost since you've gone
Why not me before you
Why did fate deceive me
Everything turned out so wrong
Why did you leave me in silence

You gave up the fight
You left me behind
All that's done's forgiven
You'll always be mine
I know deep inside
All that's done's forgiven

:Within Temptation

Comfort

Look into the night sky
What do you see?
I see stars
Glowing dimly
I flew up into the sky
Looking for the brighter regions
Where stars shine brighter than anywhere seen on solid earth
The higher I flew
More stars I see
Like a blanket full of holes
Covering the white sky
I felt the resonance of earth’s heartbeat
I heard the voice from the great beyond
And I saw no one
But only myself
Up in the sky
Standing all by myself
The stars no longer shine
The resonance…
The voice…
Everything…
Gone.


Looking up upon
I ask God
When will you guide me back to your kingdom?
When will you bring me back into your arms?
I seek nothing now
But to stay comfort in your hands…

Emotions- hidden within

Snow fell upon me
I knew you wouldn’t come back to me
Wind talked to me
She told me not to give up
I looked at the sky and said
I’m scared


To see of what I see not
To seek for what I seek not
To love for whom I love so
To wait upon whom he will never come back
Faith
Believe
Distraction
Destruction
Saint
Devil
Alone am I
Take me into the dark
Take
Took
Taken…

Seek

What are we? Where are you? Who am I?
Why were we? Where were you? Who was I?
Where am I? Who are you? … What am I?

I see the sky in bloom.
I see the clouds imitating.
I feel the sunlight entering me.
I feel the moonlight embracing me.
I hear the wind playing mischievously.
I hear the air whispering to me.
But I don’t see you…
But I don’t feel you…
But I don’t hear you…

Walking alone in the desert red snow
I see no one
Stepping onto the earthly ground
Filling the air with noises
While the silence is slowly killing me
Who am I seeking?
Who am I looking for?
Who should I seek?
Who should I look for?
Where will I start?
Where will you be?

Time

Your face
I kept it inside my eyes
Your voice
I kept inside my ears
Your smell
I kept it under my nose
Your loved
I kept it inside me
One day if I die
I bring along your everything
I will bring it to heaven
And tell God
He is the man I love
The only I had and will only be him
Now and forever…

Freedom

If the sky was ever blue like the ocean
Where will you be?
If the stars were ever bright as the sun
Where will I get to see you?
If your existence meant my life
Where will I be?
The heart you see in me
What did I see?
The awoken memories...
Fragmented
When was the last time when I see the skies are blue and grasses are green?
When was the last time when I see you in my heart?
Forever seemed far to an end of a rainbow from the other
But it seemed ever nearer to hearts that speak of love
Frightened yet happy
Afraid yet impatient
Paranoid yet anxious
How are you?
I was fine....

Distant Promise

Thus the curtain closes on
Another tale an eternity has passed..
Fleeting dreams fade into distance...
All that I left now,
Is me and my memories...


But I'm sure we will meet again..
Someday, you and I...
Another place, another time.

It's just that we might not realize
That you are you, and I am me...


Let us open the door to the great unknown,
Come across another reality...
And live another today...
Even when the story has been told,
Life goes on...

Until we meet again,
Take care of yourself, my love

Forever yours,


Raymond

Question? Or Answer?

If you asked
I'd been there
If you had never tell me anything
I would never know anything
Space I give you more
You abused me more
Certainty of expectations
What do you think I am
I am not even what I am to be myself
And I have to learn to be you
The stars I see
Fell upon skies of universe
The sunshine I feel
Fell into deep dark ends
Trying so hard
Falling so high
As if I did nothing
Five senses
Broken
Emotions
Abandoned
To be a question of an answer
Or an answer to a question
Remaining in silence
Stay
For the sake of being
Cold

What do I do

The sky is clear today, very clear
But why do I feel the emptiness filling up in me?
Why would the sky be clear today?
A strange feeling called upon me....
What do I do
I just felt, sad
I am feeling abandoned...
Why do people coe and go?
Why do people that I loved have to leave
Why can't I have more answers than questions?
I am but living in a world of stupidity
To whom may it seem bright
I see nothing but the emptiness out of me
To whom may it seem so strong
I see myself so weak, so fragile
What happen to me?
Why did it fall upon me?
The sky is so clear today
I don't want to be alone
I'm, afraid
I am scared of being alone
To be controlled by that over whelming darkness
I beg not
I don't want fear
I never wanted
What do I see?
What will I seek?
I don't see my future in myself
I don't myself in me, anymore
What have become of me?
What turned me
What did I turn myself into?
A person that fear upon himself
Eventually causing it to take him up
Bit by bit
Leaving him nothing but, again
The emptiness
What will I turn into?
The sky is so blue
My heart
I don't feel rhythm
I don't see colours
I don't hear voices
I lost nothing but myself
The sin
The deed
The saint
The devil
Nothing is all
But the emptiness that starts the world with
Seek of what I never know can come to
Should I continue to hold on to this faith?
Or should I believe in you
I am confused
Contradicting fear I say
Show me what's to and not
Love me...

To Wait...

Waiting for you
Standing at the port way cliff
Did you know
Or did you not
To see the doves fly away
To see the whales sing in harmony
I see the rainbow descending from heaven's south gate
I hear the wind coming from heaven's north gate
I smell the glorious scents right from heaven's east gate
I feel the warmth bestowed to all from heaven's west gate
But I don't feel your presence
Standing
Hoping
Just hoping you would return to me
Embrace me once more
Till the rock may one day decay
I shall wait upon the rest of my life
Because
I see you in me
Because
I hear you voice in my mind
Because
I smell your scents around me
Because
I feel you
In my heart....

Vague Memories

When did the sky turn blue?
When did the rain start showering?
How did I end up here?
Faraway I saw a castle
A castle with thick haze surrounding
To where should I head to?
To whom should I seek refuge?
Black snow fall upon thee
Here I ask again
Where is he?
Where is he who called upon my name
To keep me awake
But here again
He left with signs of grieve
Thee who holds the capability to subdue me
Leaves thy falling into deep sleep once more
Where is he?
Where are you?
Where was I?
Where am I....

Murderer

''When love died
The few, spurting drops of his passion
Proved more than enough
To fill to overflowing
The reservoir of her resentment.
A shared moment of joy
Stretched into an infinity of regret.
And so she refashioned
The dart of her love
Honing the blade edges
To paper slicing sharpness.
Secreting far from sight
But always close to hand
The stiletto of her revenge.''
Will I become like this one day?
If ever I become like this
Kill me...

Why did you do this?
Why was I kept vulnerable?
To the wind I could not feel the breeze
To the sea I could not feel the flow
To the person I could not stop thinking
Orion, always shining brightly
Always there
Shining beautifully yet beyond reach
I don't want to be like that
I just want to give away everything I have now
In exchange of the ordinary life
Give me of what that I adore and envy of
Put me together with the ordinary
I don't want to feel lonely again
I...Never wanted to be alone
No longer will I want to be alone...again....

happy

At last, we got our photo shoot! haha. And I have decided to rename my quartet's name to Cadence Quartet(=

Apart

To forget his existence, or to believe that i can...
To pursue, or to let go...
To time where it never exist, or to infinity where love goes beyond boundaries...
If only he, only then I...
If only heaven, only then earth...
Till then, everything remains.
To reach, to touch, to be embraced.
To stay, to wait, to be loved.
Someday, one day.
I will stand beofre the big, proving them my existence is for real.
Iwill stand beyond the stars whom theysee not.
In one I touch, the sky beyond many earths shall love again...

La Campanelle Quartet

This is my quartet..haha

Reunion

Recently...or rather two days back, an old friend of mine which stays in the same district but NEVER saw each other for 10 years? Haha. Anyway, her name's Adeline. Grace , Adeline and I were close friends when we were young. Now, we still are. Oh well. We had dinner together and went Indo Chine to have a drink and chit chat at the same time everyone is ctachin uo with each other regarding our current doings. We stayed till 1230am? And headed for supper. I got home at 3am, haha. So thats about it. Adeline took a few pictures with us. So i shall post them up (=

My daily lives

Chinese New Year this year was rather boring. On Sunday, I met a friend of mine that came down from San Francisco, we had lunch together and ended up bitching about catholicism(no offense) 'cause he use to be a catholic but he thinks its almost nonsense being one so he's an athiest now. We had a couple of hours hanging in Starbuck taking nonsense and we bid goodbye as I still have something else to attend to.Later, I went to my friend's place to give comments on her student's playing. She played rather....gross, haha. I did my best in correcting her. Not bad, work hard! Afterwards, I went to my own student, Emaline's place and I hate it! Her cat is crazy, she hisses at everyone! I have to run into her room while Emaline locks her in the kitchen. I went to provoke her after she was locked in, she attmepted to ponuce on me but a glass sliding door was in the way! I rock, haha! When I was about to leave, Emaline got her out! I was like, what the? I ran as fast as i could to the door, got my shoes and stepped out of her house. Stupid cat!( She scratched me before, thats why she sucks!) Later on, I went home to rest and wait for people to come my house for visiting. Oh, I bought new stuffs from Ikea again myself. I bought four frames of different sizes and framed the picutres taken from Paris. They are nice! I'm so slow at blogging nowadays. Oh well, this Thursday is my medical screening. I called Major Tay in the afternoon to remind him about my enlistment, haha. That's all. -Close book-

「霧笛荘のテーマ」港の見える部屋

Its the 3rd day of Lunar New Year, I'm just feeling tired and very sleepy. The mahjong session gave me like **** last night. My family and I had a little time of our own, we went Ikea together to do furnitiure shopping. I bought a side table that cost only 8bucks, a head lamp, two wall shelves and a quilt. Yesterday's gig was kind of terrible, I got there at early 10 and they only started at 1! Visited my four aunts at aljunied, my sis's mother-in-law, my another aunt, and I went back after that to start my mahjong. Its damn hard to 'Hu' thirteen odds when 1 of them only knows how to 'Hu' the basic kind(yawnz). After my friends left, I went online to chat and ended up chatting on thne phone. And today I will be having another gig and I hope I'm being well payed(=. And I'm supppose to prepare now and leave house soon, but I'm still blogging. I find Lunar New Year getting more and more boring. Or rather, meaningless....Nevermind. Sometimes I just wonder when people says tomorrow is a new day, but what if tomorrow will never come. You're locked within time, chained by dimension. What you see might be nothing but mere hallucination. When yes and no makes no difference. When two becomes one. When emptiness equals to heavy loaded. Its just a random thought. So happy Luner New Year everyone!

-

Whatever. I don't understand, I really don't. Its crap. Just crap. How nice. Whatever fucking shit. Just..leave me alone.

Me

I'm still feeling tired today. I might not really know what's going on but, I will try and learn to understand.

Today, I went out with Nic(Pooh Bear) for movie. We watched Requiem and it was not bad. Afterwards, we went to Esplanade to get the pipa. Apparently Qing Lun and company saw me and they told Wei Kang that I looked so differently now. Then we walked our way to Tedd's place which is at Shangri-La Apartments, that's like cityhall to bugis?! Crazy I tell you( Nicholas Ho I will strangle you I swear), but he was nice to help me carry for a short while. We got there and met up with many people from here and there(too many people and too long story, most importantly, I'm too tired to type too long) And for who I know Lelandra from the 1st season of Singapore Idol was there. And Tedd wanted me to accompaniment with her on the pipa. Like some instant impromptu test, haha. Oh well..she sings real good and it was fun. In the end, we chatted till late and had supper having chicken rice. I really can't recgonise them. I only remember their names. Like, Weiqing?Song Ming, John, Kelvin, Richard, Karl???, Maple?, Cindy, Daniel, Champ, Lelandra and her sister, Tedd's parents, Gavin and I can't remember the others. Nicholas went off before me, he deserted me! Kidding. I'm too tired and I'm making my blog sounds boring. I should stop here.

Out of a sudden?

Met up with a friend of mine yesterday. Oh my, I haven't seen him for more than half a year! Time does flies, we had 'tea session' and chatted for very long at some coffee house. Nothing big actually, just catching up with each other. And, he's getting married....sounds sudden to me, But, ya he's getting married in June. Congrats to him, and be sure to invite me! Haha. Few days back, I went out with Samantha, this old friend of mine that I hadn't meet for 4 entire years! She is this friend of mine since primary school. A nice friend, but wasn't that nice when we were younger, haha. Oh, did I mention her birthday falls on the same as mine? Nice isn't it? Haha. Anyway, we went Moon River for lunch, caught up with each other. Went Esplanade and settled down in Boat Quay's coffee bean. Sat that and talked about religous and the Pastors that.....Anyway, just felt like blogging suddenly, so this is just a stupid entry. Meeting Nicholas for movie later. Still considering whether should I turn up Tedd's BBQ. Wei Kang, please pass a playable pipa later, I need it for rehearsal.

Peace

I wanna learn Heike Monogatari, haha! Sand, so smooth. The sea, bring me my love. -hymms away-

Vulnerable

Sometimes, I feel that I have noone to voice out to. Maybe I feel rather embarrassing to tell people my problems, at least to the people that I feel close to. Too much deep thoughts without a definate answer makes me sad everyday. I'm just gonna look from afar, and....My mind isn't thinking at the right things at all. I...what am I again? Nevermind..I just feel so...vulnerable. Just too vulnerable.

Oh Well...

In life, we always have our up and downs. Today I just happen to have my downs and I'm just quiet today. Not the keeping mum kinda quiet but the mentally shut down quiet. And ya, I am just random in thoughts today and...I'm out of stuffs to say already. My student, Emaline and I went to Synwin to get her old gross strings changed today. I actually wanted her to get Pirastrio Gold cause her violin suits more to the kinda tension and tone quality etc but its rather ex for her to get that. So in the end, we got the Dominant string. Not saying that its no good, but always the same set of strings..boring! I tried the $1860 violin that was placed on the desk a boy tried earlier on and I don't think it sounded anywhere near a $2000 should sound like. Seriously, its bright yet alittle too sharp. The strings on it are good cause they are Pirastrio tonica strings but the violin is like...BURN IT! Synwin has good violin/viola, real good ones. But you really have to know to choose it yourself or at least with you teacher and not just stupidly believe into everything the salesperson tells you although its true he plays violin well too, but he can't decide your playing. Anyway, people that really wanna know how many REAL good violins in Synwin, there's only 5 REAL good ones. After which, I headed NAC, had some business with them and Emaline went on a 'Cross Hunt'. We were literally looking for nice yet simple looking kinda cross pendants and stuffs. And we talked about Pastor Prince and the head pastor of City Harvest, all I can say is, they are not righteous at all. At least not from the inside. Somehow I felt that their 'good deeds' don't really come right from the bottom of their heart. I think they are really the people that brings down faith or rather, leading the real righteous ones into the wrong mentality. Ok, enough of that. More of it and I think I might get killed by the followers( to think that I'm joining New Creation's Music Ministry as a violinist, I am starting to regret it. After learning that fact of how these head pastors are from the inside, I don't really see the reason playing music in such Churches as music becomes stained with spots and still ongoing. Maybe I just have to play music like how I think music should be in the Ministry to influence people and make them remember what faith, believe and purity really is? Who knows. God bless) We had had dinner later on at fountain foodcourt and I had chicken cutlet curry rice. Qian Wen you guessed it wrongly, haaha. But I did went to toilet right after my meal. Oh well, we didn't talk much during dinner( I don't really like to talk while having meals). After that Emaline and I went shopping...No, its Emaline that went shopping non stop and I hadn't had the chance to really shop what I want to(I'm not your boyfriend, I want my own shopping too so don't...Nevermind)
Went home after that, and my dog shit on the floor. I had to clean it and I'm use to it. Nicholas smsed me about being fat and doing hula hoops, haha! He's a cute boy la. He calls me a Dnomyar. Like WOW..That's mostly it. My quiet day...doesn't seem that quiet after all eh. But it really is one the quietest day in a few months.

End of this chapter.

Its a reply that I don't think that you will ever get to read it. Forever Yi Zu, its just those days when we were still pure and innocent. Today, both of us have changed, be it good or bad. We are not who we were and never will we able to see the 'we' ever again. I can tell you, we use to be very good friends, but now both of us sees almost everything differently and I have to say that I still strongly disagree with things that you're doing now. But eventually, you are still you. What you choose in the end, its your own decision. No one could or should interfere with your own choice. Likewise for me. We will still be musicians partners/friends. Whether will we have that bond between each other, we won't know and seriously, I don't think that bond exist between us anymore. Sad to say but, You and I are just neutrual friends from now onwards. We might still laugh at some silly nonsense I talk about. We may do silly things like any nonsense I can think of. You have hurt me and tarnish this friendship like dust, I will tolerate and wish to explain no more. What has been done is already done and nothing can recuperate it. What made you today will be what you become in future and what path i choose, i will never regret. All I have to say is, you take care of youself. Political scenes in Chinese Orchestra is not as simple as you see and think. That's what I can advice you on and I believe anyone will tell you the same thing if they are really you good. Farewell, pal.

Love

BEAUTIFUL ICE PRINCESS/PRINCE . You are very difficult to get. You have big requirements and this one you love must try hard to get you. But after she/he melt your heart she/he will be the most happy person in the world. You need someone who shoes you that you are someone SPECIAL and it makes you feel good to see that you are loved. She/He shall know that you could easily get another girl/boyfriend ,but you won't as long as you love your partner. when she/he hurts you, you will hurt him too, but in general you dont get hurt. If your partner cheated you ,you would react cold and immediately (try to) forget or to hurt him/her. TIP: Try to show your partner what you really feel! You are very good at hiding your true emotions, which can make you seem to be arrogant. --->its me that this report is about.

Kinda late, but ya...

Beautiful! Its just gorgeous! I just updated the pictures I took in Vietnam, it is definately a place I would go again. A place with the pace just right, the peace and the love. To spend one's life there, its just happiness. I would say Vietname, I fell in love with you(=

Snowing

When the sun shines on earth
Every part of her is bestowed with different blessings
Warm light shines on you
Constant rain falls upon them
And the sad snow got to me
Walking in a distance
Or maybe a distant
Cold air embraced me
When will I turn to him
Or will he turn to me
Walking in a desert snow
Literally walking into a living grave
Literally walking into the end of life
The sky is so red
The air is so thin
The snow is black
Walking on the ice
Or walking on the big frozen ocean am I not
Killing the silence with noises
While the silence is slowly killing me
So be it
Black snow falls on my land
Bestow me with a death wish
Take me
Bring me
And never shall we come back again
Ever Again

Almost dead.

Its the 2nd time in my life that i got a fever during rehearsals, and it really sucked! Yesterday the chamber were havin rehearsals, I thought my fever had already subsided. And for all I know, it came back. I seriously could see the notes moving about and I nearly vomitted, hardly even play anything yesterday. And I got stuffs to attend to today, like my fever better subside before this Thursday's rehearsal. By the way, do come and catch this 1st kids' symphony concert. We are featuring Mozart's repetoires. Anybody interest please msn me. Thanks!

Bitches

A blog has got nothing to do with anybody..AT ALL.not to confront people, not make people believe in anything...its just a simple diary that people can type whatever they feel like it( a voice out).. No one's being force to read one person's blog..but if he or she did find her name in one's blog..she/he herself/himself is being dumb..so who is being stupid? The one that blogged it? Or the one that stupidly looked in the bloggers blog? Use some common sense..By the way, no one ever said it was important at all...The stupidest of all is..why feel sad when he/she never did it..and in the end feels that it doesnt matter at all..it SHOULD really matter not abit at all even whatever any says if he/she did not do it....surely he/she has some common sense..

Only Human

After all the hardship we been through
After all the happiniess we had together
Friends that had been together
Eating, fighting, arguing and playing...
Eventually, we are bonded together
You, I loved
And I, your loved
We all lived in peace and prosperity
Fights and quarrelments
Fades off eventually
Our bond
Binds us even stronger
All the miracle that happened
Let us believe
Everything..
That we are
Only Human...
With all the loves that binds each and everyone together..
'Cause we are
Only Human..
Stay strong and live on
Even if there is no tomorrow
Love the next second for being there
Even if there is an end to life
Love the beginning of a new born to the light
Even if laugther fades
Love the smiles that had been there
After all, we are
Only Human

No why, just this..

Hm..it's been so long since I really blogged. So many things in my mind, let's start with music then. I've decided to pursue my studies in Classical scene and not the Oriental. Many reasons. Many stories behind them- Bad ones. It's kind of stupid sometimes. Everyone is literally killing each other bit by bit. Not saying that I wasn't a bitch, but some are really crazy over being one. Just wanting to get you out of the 'stage' to keep themselves safe. Seriously, I think I only have 2 people I can really talk to- Wei Kang and Jing Xuan. Others, I really don't know who you people are or what you people want. Not saying Oriental stuffs' no good but taking it as leisure isn't that bad after all..Maybe its 'cause of Pipa. An instrument being so challenging, people learning it yearns to master it and hope to be the few best in Singapore or even further(if possible). Whatever it is. I feel happier now, without all these nonsense. Xueqi- till today, I still don't think you're someone THAT simple. Your positive character may trick others, but...don't use it on me. Michelle- I got nothing to say about you, you're not the worse nor the best. 'Cause you just brings your masks everywhere you go. Rachel(erhu)- You're just a fat bitch and hell you go with your boobs you butch. You can get whoever to come confront what I said for whatever I care. You make me puke, bitch. Kenny- Either you stay out of my life or I'll get into yours. Don't turn me into a bitch 'cause I'll be a VERY nasty one...
Lend my Pipa to Weikang few days back, he needed it for NAC Competition. I haven't been playing it for quite sometime, I hope he won't get disqualified due to my pipa(i'll be damn guilty). Oh well, best of luck to things you do. By the way, I think Weikang is a more tolerant person than I am. So people thinking that he is a whatever kinda person. I might be worse.
Jing Xuan is competing in NAC too..someone I once fell in love with before..haha...out of the point. Anyway, play well and get into finals ya? And did I mention you're getting prettier? Haha, I mean it(= -Hugs.
After taking lessons again with Luo Biao, was playing Schindler's List and we realised that my right hand's better than my left( have to do more finger excercises). He says its better cause majority of the violinist/violist doesnt have as much energy on the right hand even for those with Dips. And he said my vibrato has gone deeper, I was delighted(= Was playin Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto in D at home. I realise 3rd movement is easier than 1st movement(like wth?) Gonna practice with more with Belinda next week. Maybe Paganini? Haha. If only we could. Violin's fun, but too many people in Singapore playing it, real good. So I'm gonna major myself with viola. Yang lao shi said that there's Singapore Philharmonic Orchestra(Only heard of Singapore Phil. Winds) and she's asking me to join. I'll see if I have the time for it.
Lastly, I hope everything in my life is settling down now. I don't wanna go on an endless sea. Its tiring and meaningless. Everybody should be loved(=..Hope the new people i meet are really friends.

Everything is nonsense, almost.

From today onwards, i will not get even an inch for friends anymore.

為我好

无条件为你; 为你坚强就不怕牺牲
爱.....真的需要勇气
爱上你的全部, 放弃我的全部
爱上了你之后, 我开始领悟
陪你走了一段最唯美的国度
3 years?
5 years?
....10 years?
I will wait for you
'Cause I love you
Have faith in the both of us
My distant promise

Be Gone

Things with you have been brought to the back of me
You are officially out of my life
A new chapter shall begin from now, without you interfering it
Be gone.
You are you
And I shall be myself
At least not with you.
Goodbye.

Thoughts

Thoughts
You said you don't want to think anymore
Don't think then
I don't want to think anymore
Teach me to
Time flows and scarred my life
To see with light
Or to fade into the dark
Is it not true?
Forget me not
Erase me
From 'Time'
Memories.
Worthy of a fortune
A gil it may worth
Look within
What do you see
Nothing
Everything was empty to beginn with
Memories
Simply
Worthless

Nil

Met up with Alvin recently , an old friend of mine. Had a very good chat with him at his place. He loves my new pierced ear. He said now i look so hot, he might as well fall in love with me. I kept quiet. His mom still makes superb dumplings for me!=p..He said I live for one purpose, to play music. I said he live for a purpose, to enjoy life, haha...Alvin is right, he says that I am awake, yet I dream. True...Maybe I really live for one purpose, but to play music?-definately not my first perspective..Awake to see you, dream to see magic. That's what he said.
Going to JB for a small invited rectial at a certain high school this coming Wednesday with Mei Lin and Jerad, the pianist and cellist. Performing Mozart's I-Allegro Con Spirito, II-Andante Con Espressione and III-Rondo: Allegro. After the recital, they are most probably gonna head home*Both are malaysians* and I will most likely go further like central of M'sia for a little vacation myself. Francis complains that he can't go..oh well..another time i guess... If he awakens from his dreams, everything will stop moving forward. -Dreaming from reality, awakening from his dreams-

Stay

The moon..The beach..The memories...I shall bury them somewhere and bring myself away from this magic land...Still, I love you. Never stopped loving.

Saviour; Reaper

Crimson lights
The sky
The birds still asleep
Like a dream
It shines
From heaven’s safe key
Children souls
I saw
As soft as the breeze
I call all these prays to the sky
Just as to see your face
I carry these memories inside
Thoughts of the soul
Coloured by light
See me grow wings and fly high
As the cloud dance
In the blue sky
Watching me
Watching you
Silent black
The door
And time tell its tale
Darken blood
It flows
The eden’s riverstream
Look within
The dark
As deep as my scar
There inside
Destruction you see
In the midst of the sky
My soul scattered
So is my dream
See me disperse and vanish
As the cloud gathers
In the blue sky
Watching me
Watching you

1000 Words

Days passing by, still thinking of you. Of those words you told me, the days where you spent with me, the event we took togther. Without you, everything around me seems to quiet down alot. Or maybe I can't hear much. There are many places i wanted to go with you, to do with you. Changes are not to be made, I'm still gonna go to those places. But alone. I saw the beautiful sunset again this evening. I remembered your smile. Your eyes. Your voice. The Hymn of J'saed. You are the one whom thy seek. For whose heart thy seeks shall be settled down securely by thee. Flying at will or not. I will turn myself becoming your sacrification. With the string tying you up I shall be the blade that will help you free. At your will to fly i shall become your prey as you would never worry about hunger. -Just For You.-

The Hymn of Fayth

The Hymn of Fayth, Do you hear them? These voices they hum, like the rays of light piercing through everyone's heart. Singing with hope, yet with sad depression. The Hymn of Fayth, Do you hear them? Out from everyone's sorrow they come from, praying for their sending. The Hymn of Fayth, Hear them not. They still remain the same. Sad, Sorrowful, Grieved, Helpless.
The Hymn of Fayth, I hear them. I am The Hymn of Fayth.

You are..

Missing you deeply. You left. But I still yearn for your return. Here I stand, praying for you. Looking at you from within. I never stopped loving you. The everyday with you. I never forget. Never will I want to. I'm just so souless now. I am leaving as soon as i can. I...can't find the meaning of living...the meaning of love anymore...Bright moon, sad. Shimmering stars, fatigue.

Leave;Left

That night. Your left me. I guessed you really did. I feelings were never false. True to you all this while, even now. Never changed abit. You're leaving me. You left me. Guess it's time for me to leave too. All this while, you are the reason I stayed. But now, nothing is important anymore. I'm leaving this place. This place where dreams once came true. Where love exist forever, I thought. Maybe you're right. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving this place. I loved you, and will still be. You are my one and only. I once said it. Never will I forget it.'Cause I mean it. Goodbye. I love you.

How deep is yous love

How deep is your love....In a world of fools...We belong to you and me..That is all I want.Nothing much at all.

Dark Waltz

Airy. Quiet. The music starts to fill up the emptiness of the ballroom. Dark music. Dark atmosphere. Spirits of the unrest rose once again, got together and danced once again like they did in the past. The moon still shining that brigthly like before, the 'Dark Waltz' starts to fill the air. My heart, felt the airy yet occupied. Dancing the waltz from one to another, I got lost in this crowd of souls and spirits. I realised i could not find my soul. I'm but an empty shell with almost nothing left inside. The music continued yet i hear nothing but silence. The rythm of steps given from the spirits yet i felt no upbeat from anywhere. I am all alone?..Or am I not? Let the Dark Waltz in me start to play. Never let me go.

你的眼睛

当昨天的往事已经编成故事这并不是终点当昨天的痛苦结束好想再看见你的眼睛最亮的星星 黑暗中就会出现一路上 因为你带我走过 漆黑 深夜教我懂得珍惜 平凡千变万变的世界只有你的眼睛最真纷纷扬扬 看不清明天是你给我带来平静不知不觉中 依靠紧紧抱住每一秒钟你的眼睛能 为我 流泪我的心 不孤单

Rain..

Nothing much at all today...Was raining..Should justrain continuosly for a week...Just rain..

Wedding..Congrats.

Attended Cousin Eric's wedding dinner today at Changi Family Court. Its a very romantic place to share your joy with your loves ones. A place that I would want to spend my everyday there. A place with no noise, no crowd, no pain. I think I will spend my there from now on whenever i have that time. I would want to spend the days with you. Nothing more. Just catching the sunsets with you. Thats all. Anyway, congrats to my dearest cousin, Eric, and his beloved wife, Angeline. May god bless you always.

One Life, Live it.

One life, live it. I don't know whether should i say. I don't know how to trust you. Or should i say, how are you going to make me gain trust again. I have changed so much for you. Perhaps its a getback of what i use to do. Its so...cold...A life. So be it...

Only Human

Man saving lives. Saving them with their ever inborn abilities. Pressuming that they are at advantage of doing things incredible. Saving lives. Creating Miracles. Making the impossibles. Made believe the most ridiculous. After all this yes and no, they are still eventually mere human. So what's there to argue about?

Crap

Went to Qin's today and..everything was just crap...real crap..got myself a new violin student though..(=Not in the mood to do almost everything..Haven't been in the mood for doing anything lately...Just...whatever...Crap.

I want to keep very quiet

The violnist today wants to get soft...just soft...and softer..and softer..shhhh...he should just stop talking for a few days or even more...just...keep quiet...I just want to live in my own world these few days onwards...

Shots

Today was quite fun..went to VCH to take some shots...here are the shots...Nothing...thinking quite abit..or maybe just too much..

Forever.

If I were to have a forever with you, would you want it? Would you believe that its forever? My heart has settled down already. It is really foolish of what I did in the past. To love you, to be with you, even to protect you. If loving you is really the biggest sin. Then i rather not be an angel. So many dreams about you. Dreaming, hoping, thinking and loving. The sky is so blue today. Its quite sometime i take notice of the sky and the surroundings. Flowers bloom, flowers wither. Forever....I Love You.

Overwhelmed.

Fear caused us so much distant between each other
So much negatives thoughts
So many things to keep out
Yet so many things to be aware of
Maybe its really true that many things don't matters anymore
Maybe its really true that things that we thought as if it matters so much actually doesn't even weigh heavier than a feather
Yet
There is someone in me
Overwhelmed me
The love that you gave me
Brought me into another heaven
Your forever made me ever strong
Your true and pure love brought us closer than before
Never leaving you is more than possible
Ever leaving you is more than being ridiculous
With you around
Nothing will matter
Just a Forever will do
No more
Just a Forever.

'Adultery'

I use to believe 'Forever' . Therefore i changed so much..In the past, everything that I had done for you...I felt worhtwhile as I ever did wrong to made you distrust me...Inside me, I'm always telling myself that its ok! I did wrong at first, so I'm at not right to be angry and all...But after knowing that u committed adultery, I start to wonder...should I be the one you should worry for, or are you the one that i should be worried for...You committed not only once but twice...Its an ultimate betrayal...If I were to describe my hatred for this kind of betrayal, it would be like how Satan hated the fact when Jesus was being crucified..To think that I will commit such fatal 'crime', it will be a joke..But you did, and...I....If you know you wil commit adultery in future , tell me now..at least I will feel better...Better than 10 knives stabbed into my heart...I want a Forever, but not with even one of these 'crime'...You wanted a Forever yourself before, yet you commit such 'crime', twice. And you tell me about a lifetime's partner?..Will you ever commit adultery again?..I don't know...Like what you said, the future is unknown..But please, please tell me now if you know you are gonna commit such unforgivable 'mistake'...I rather not have a Forever like that...

DreamsII..

I had a dream yesterday..:

I was walking alone by the bay silently...

I heard a voice from somewhere...

A familiar voice...

That voice i missed alot...

I began to follow after that voice...

I ran everywhere to search for it...

From place to place...

Places where I first heard this voice...

To places where I last got abandoned by it...

But I can't seem to reach it...

I was scared..

Terrified...

Helpless...

Am I really being abandoned?...

I cried...

I can't find you...

The sunsets...

I walked back to the bay helplessly...

I heard that voice again...

Then I saw a man's figure...

I took a step closer...

I saw...you...

I burst into tears...

Hugged you..

You never left me...

Ever since before...

I was speechless...

Please...

Don't ever leave me again...

I will never want to leave you again...

Speechless

Glad...

Happy..

Content...

Fortunate..

I got my so called Valentine's present...

I'm felt heaven...

Thank you..

Love you...

Speechless

Glad...

Happy..

Content...

Fortunate..

I got my so called Valentine's present...

I felt heaven...

Thank you..

Love you...

Sauve
Romantic
Attractive
Observant
Loves to joke
Easily jealous
Easily angered
Learns to relax
Loves to dream
Thirsty for praise
Loving and caring
Brave and fearless
Extraordinary spirit
Careful and cautious
Independent thoughts
Angry when provoked
Loves to make friends
Sensitive but not petty
Too generous and egoistic
Takes high pride of oneself
Loves to lead and to be led
Thinks quickly and rationally
Knows how to console others
Poor resistance against illnesses
Firm and has leadership qualities
Talented in the arts, music and self defense

To Where You

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear
Deep in the stillness I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are my
Forever love
And you are watching over me
From up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far to where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away I cherish all you gave me
Everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me
From up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on
And never leave

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight
To see you smile If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

Emptiness

Its raining today...

I started pondering over many things..

Mainly over you...

Thinking how you felt about me..

Do I mean something to you...

Do I stand a place in your heart...

What am I to you...

Am I an ignorant kid to you...

Or am I just a passer by in your life that will soon to be forgotten..

Yes...I ponder over such problems frequently..

The more closer we get...

The more I feel that we are gonna part soon...

My love to you had become much more greater than before...

But I doubt you do love me....

Maybe I'm someone that you don't really bother much of..

An annoying kid that is always irritating you...

Always finding troubles for you...

I don't know...

I just lost again...

Stuck...

...Paranoid...

You are cute

Hm..i don't really have a nice intro to start with..

Weeks passed..I felt more closer to you already...

Seeing you doing certain things made me feel sometimes happy and sad?

I like to take transport with you...

'Cause that is the time where i could get rather close intact with you...

You really felt so warm...

I seriuosly like you alot...

But sometimes...you really made me feel like ignoring you...

But I thinkin you're simply too lovely and cute to be with..

Bah..haha...I would wanna spend my time with ya forever..

DotzZzZ..

Bottom line is I love you...

Have good night rest..

Outrageous

I think I have tolerated enough of you..

Presents that WE bought for our friend, MY good friend...

And you just tell me..you bloody hell used that gift I was about to give to others?

I don't know what kind of shit are you...Ho Ying Sian

YOU are the one always using people around you...

Until when others get into trouble..

Your fucked yourself away like you don't know anything...

I had rather you go to hell man..

Your attitude really sucks you know..

You've fucking shit pissed me off...

To the core I tell ya..

I am totally fucking speechless now....

You can really go to hell...

Next time, if you have any troubles...

I swear, I will just leave you to die...

Just get out of sight..

Just simply get lost...

You suck!...

Point of No Return..Lamp of Hope

I found out something...

In the past...

I wished and pray hard that you are...

And for this..

It gave me lots of thoughts...

But now..

You are...

And I rather your are not...

Please..

Turn back...

For the sake of your family...

For the sake of your love ones...

Turn back..

Before you end up like me...

Please...

Turn back...

It maybe right...

It maybe wrong...

But..

No matter what...

Please..

Please turn back..

Before anything happens..

I love you..

I love you so much that I don't want to see this happen..

Please...

Turn back...

Phoebia

Yay..today, or rather yesterday[due to the time] is one of my happiest day in my life..

I went out with my primary school friends..Melissa, all time favourite!!! Yan Min, good friend always...Evelyn, quiet as ever....Pamela, always hitting me:S...Yong Quan, as steady as ever...Clifton, still taller than me:(....
We went seoul garden to eat!!...i ate alot...Melissa claiming that she ate alot and is full end up eating lotsa stuff with me...We talked alot..About things in the present and during pri school life..
Yong Quan is still as deaf as ever...he can't seem to realise that we are calling, machiam like in his own lala land..Pamela...nothing much changed...Yan Min very random..VERY...We were talking about what form molecues and atoms...she replied as saying molecue is bigger than atoms...like HUH?!..doesn't relate to our topic AT ALL!!!...Clifton..eh...I don't really wanna say it..but hope you get your 'inproper' *** checked..talling ya for the sake of a friend since young;)...
Me..Melissa say I'm still like a chatterbox..well, if you didn't realise[i doubt you do] i only talk much with you guys as I feel much more closer to you guys than my Secondary friends..Others see me as a 'foolstop guy'..i always end the topic[-_-]...Haha..
After dinner, we intended to watch movie..but all the movies were left with front seats!!![tragedy:'(]..But we ended up taking a train back home..On the journey back..we talk quite alot of things...like believing in after life, gods, religion...Basically..it is about our feelings towards death...When we reached Pasir Ris, other than Yong Quan and Clifton, the rest of us when Mac to have a rest..And I'm still hungry!!..i bought fries to eat..Evelyn bought drink..Awhile later, we took Bus 3 home...Ended up chatting conference talking about how stupid gangsters are..and how disgusting to do m*st*r*a**o* in the cinema and *r*l *e* in the toilet!!!!...And this is my day...What a day to spend off with my old mates...I love ya guys:D...

Your eyes were so promising, yet so contradicting..

I always wait silently for your return..

And finally, you are back...

But I find myself afraid to see you..

Maybe is due to the period of time..

That cause this phoebia..

Maybe I need time to get back to square one...

I know must do it..

As I love you...

Your eyes..

Your voice..

My feelings towards you...

Its totally undescribable...

Perhaps, this is what love is...

At least to me..

It is like what it seems to be...

Questions

Its Christmas Eve...

Again, I'm having tons of blahx3 going round in my head...

Sometimes...maybe most of the times...

People that seems to be rather close to you...

Are they there by your side to go through up and down with you?..

Or are they there by your side to understand you, then tell off all your secrets and things you ever said to anyone/everyone in order to make you feel embarrassed in front of others?..

Or even make use of you..e.g. being close to you so when he/she is in trouble but when you're in trouble, he/she just happen to be missing?...

That's not the end, some of 'em are being close to you just to show others that how caring he/she could be when you yourself knows how much she even bothers about you..

I'm feeling like that 'cause these possibilities/facts are happening on me...

I have my reasons not to name those out..

But if you people know who you are...

Then jolly well change for the sake of friendship...

Or you can just simply leave me alone and go away..

Don't tell me sorry..

Not because a good friend never should say sorry to the other...

But saying sorry now doesn't make any difference..

The main purpose for apologising is to make the victim feel less hurt...

And allowing the culprit/s to feel less guilty...

If that's the case, then why commit such fatal 'crime' to your good friend/buddy?...

Of course I don't exclude myself...

At least..I never do such things to my good friends/buddies..

At the end, I always end up speechless..

Why?..

'Cause I'm not one that will go and wake those that have mistreated me to wake up..

I'm not that sort of 'saint'..

They will cherish and treasure this relationship ONLY if they find out and realise it themselves..

That's all for today ..

-Merry Christmas- ......................in advanced=)

Snow

My days in China had ended..

Through this vacation..

I seen quite a number of incidents..

I learnt quite alot of things...

Be it in terms of music or character...

I realised that people from different places treat each other differently...

The people I met are all very, very warmhearted..

Anyway, I'm alone in Europe now..

The snow is beautiful..

Somehow, it gives me the feel of purity

Yet sorrow, despair and helpless..

Hope I could think over certain problems Im having..

Every now and then...Im still thinking of you..

You are so precious to me...

I miss you...

I....

What A Day

Last night after my syco reseating exams,

I went out with my friend, grace..

We went to Billy Bompers..

I oredered roast chicken but i kinda regretted it...

Cos' its simply hard to slice!..

Grace ordered my fav., Airlion Steak!!!

At first she was still thinking how well she wanted the beef to be done..

Then i told the waitress to give her RAW!..wahaha

But overall the meal was nice...

We bitched and gossip alot of people in our K1, K2 and primary school days!

Then sitting opposite us,

There is this American professional guitarist...

He kept staring at my pipa wondering whats that...

And i explained to him in detailed..

He was amzed and felt EXTREMELY strange about pipa..

Especially its tuning..[A E D A]

So i replied him..

'Its weird, but it sure rocks!!!'

When we are about to leave,

A lady came to me and gave me a $5.00 voucher for billy bompers

And i was like..co0l!..

The U.P. for dinner was $43.00+++

But in the end..it turned out to be $38.77!!!

Which means we are payin less than $20 each!!..

I rock~

Thats not all, afterwards

They have a lucky draw thing..

Grace and I each drew one..

And i got myself a meal with shake at only $5.00!!!

I rock man!!!

Haha..after the dinner,

Grace and I went to food junction and I ordered a pure lemon juice..

No dilution in it...No added sugar nor water..NOTHING..

They say its sour..But i never felt that sourness at all..

And those stall owner always give me that look as if I'm taking in some sulphate acid

Or something worse?!

While walking around..

I saw someone the least i would ever expect to see

Melissa!!!My primary rock buddy

She rocks man!!!...

She was the joker of PRPS...

I lost contact with her..

And who would know that I'm the FIRST to reached among the others!

Today was definately my day!!wahaha

Its been quite awhile since i ever felt like this...

But ...after all happy occasions..

I will still be back to square one eventually..

Maybe i really cannot survive without you by my side..

Maybe I'm being too bastard or whatever..

Why did you just leave me suddenly...

I still can't get over it...

I can’t believe -- a month ago

I was alone -- I didn’t know you

I hadn't seen, or heard your name

And even now, I’m so amazed it's like a dream

It's like a rainbow, it's like the rain

Some things are the way they are

And words just can’t explain

I never saw blue like that before

Across the sky, around the world

And just like a dream

You left me with no thoughts

I ...am feeling really very

Terrible, seriously in pain..

Dell'Amore Non Si Sa

Evolution???

Today i decided to meet up a few of my friends so as to catch up with each other...

Throughout the meeting, I realised that they changed alot.

Not physically but mentally..

Or maybe,

I am the one that never changed at all..

Human is amazing to a certain extent actually..

How they stay and never change for life..maybe

And how the rest keep on track with the world's latest information..

Human can be fast and that's godspeed

Huamn can also be slow and that's really decades

For me..

I think I should just vanish away from wherever I belong..I don't even know where is that

Maybe..this will be the best for me..